Educating Boys II

What are some of the keys to educating teenage boys? How do we activate their sense of adventure, risk-taking and questioning in such a way that it leads to wisdom?

I use the word wisdom, not learning, for a specific reason. All education is about the gaining of wisdom and, as Thomas Merton suggests, more happens outside the classroom than in it. Wisdom is the capacity to engage, evaluate and assimilate events, experiences and knowledge so that one lives a life that values and is valued by others.

Teenage boys behave chaotically, dangerously and impulsively yet can be thoughtfully, compassionate and engaged. Yet the capacity to do so requires a different pedagogy than is generally employed in schools. What does that look like?

When I was in Gethsemane Monastery, the home for 27 years forThomas Merton, I pondered how this educational institution took men, barely out of their teens, often with little education and life experience and produced writers, academics, astronomers, civil rights activists and leaders. How did that happen? How did a self-possessed young man such as Merton, who ran away from the world, became the leading Catholic author, activist and interfaith communicator of the 20th century?

As I sat in the chapel and watched the monks say the daily offices beginning at 3.15am, I began to discover the key to their success. The rule of St Benedict sets out the parameters, the monastery practices mirror this ancient rule. What happened in the chapel had not substantially changed since 1848 when the monastery began. What happened in the silence, work, learning and rhythm of Gethsemane hadn't changed substantially over that time either.

The key to working with young teenagers I believe can be found in a daily routine giving energetic young men space and boundaries to discover self and others:

• Silence & Solitude 
• Education
• Repetition
• Work
• Community - Prayer

In subsequent posts I will look at each of these separately and suggest how they may be incorporated in the modern educational offering.

Educating Teenage Boys

Recently I put my class of 13 and 14  year olds through a growth mindset quiz with interesting results using the research of Carol Dweck. What I found asks hard questions of how we do education, particularly with teenage boys.

It was anticipated that the good students in the class, primarily the girls, would score higher than the troublesome students, mostly boys. That makes sense. The good students, concentrate, work hard and get better results. Therefore it is logical that they have more of a growth mindset than the 'naughty' boys.

Wrong.

The 'naughty' boys outscored the the good students at every level. They were the ones with a high growth mindset, even though their academic scores failed to show it. Why?

My thesis is that teenage boys are risk takers, possibility thinkers and curious. They want to know what is possible and what they can do. They take risks in the social and emotional aspects of their lives. They push the boundaries, try new and sometimes dangerous 'things' and, generally, are resilient. They bounce back. They are impulsive and find themselves trying stuff they didn't think possible. They are growth mindset thinkers.

The good students have a more fixed mindset because they are committed to getting right, making sure they give the right answer, do the right thing and behave appropriately. They engage their logical thinking system 2 (Taleb) before acting.

But it is interesting to see what happens as boys progress into years 10-12. In my class these are the students who yell out, argue, comment, offer answers and get involved. Sometimes they are chaotic and create chaos but they are there, taking risks and being heard. When they get further along they have learnt that this is not appropriate for 'good' students and close down. They know they are not good academic students and therefore simply withdraw. The very tools that helped them to learn, their risk taking chaotic spontaneity, is shut down. Their growth mindset becomes a fixe mindset - 'I can't do this.' And I would add, 'I can't do this like this'.

So what do we do?

We stream classes so that we allow the boys to have the freedom to engage their teenage risk taking in a learning environment. Now, I know that goes against the prevailing attitude, but after some 30 years working with teenage boys, I believe it is an appropriate strategy. It allows the 'good' students to develop their own specific approach to learning with out them being impinged upon by the chaos of a shared class room.

I will continue to explore this and would like to know what others think.

Teenagers, Emotions and Rational Thinking!

'What were you thinking, oh, that's right, you weren't' is something I hear when adults are talking to teenagers about another internet blunder, stupid behaviour or risky stunt. And we smile and shake our heads muttering, 'teenagers!'.

Yet that question is not only directed at teenagers. What about celebrities and naked selfies, politicians and sexual indiscretions, sportsman and another alcohol induced brain failure, and road 'ragers' regardless of age? What were they thinking? The truth? They weren't.

Remember back to your last regrettable moment and try and work what was going on there. How did you find yourself in that unthinkable moment? What were you thinking? If we are honest, there was in fact little thinking going on.

We were being led by our emotions. Dan Ariely, in his book 'Predictably Irrational',  outlines the roles of emotions in negating our reasonable selves. Ask a teenager  in a classroom about safe sex, safe internet rules and safe drinking and they will provide you with all the rational and appropriate replies. They will declare that they would always engage in safe sex, that they follow internet etiquette and do not, under any circumstances drink to a dangerous level.

So what goes wrong when they find themselves in a close embrace with a school friend of the opposite sex and they haven't a condom, on facebook and are angry about being dumped by their girl/boy friend, at a party where everyone is getting tanked and their friends pester them to go for a drive? The odds are they will end up having sex, post an inappropriate image of their ex, drink too much and drive too fast.

Why? Because their emotions are hot. Emotions over-rule the logical brain in these circumstances. It really is about, 'if it feels good, just go for it'. Peer pressure, opportunity and lack of boundaries, or those who will police the boundaries, means that higher order thinking goes out the window.

If you look closely at your last regrettable incident, you will see that you were responding emotionally to the situation you found yourself in. Something somebody said or did, opportunity to experience the forbidden or overindulge, self pity, feelings of powerlessness and loneliness, grief and loss and more have conspired you to do something without engaging your brain and behaving in line with your principles.

It is the reason essentially good people behave badly.

When we say, 'What were you thinking, oh, that's right, you weren't' to a teenager, let us remember that not only are they struggling with the stages of brain development, they are also in the midst of a highly emotional period of life. They are see-sawing back and forwards between rational thought and their emotions in a way we adults have forgotten.

While it is important we educate them about relationships, bullying, internet etiquette, safe sex and socialising we must also educate them about the power of the moment, their emotions, to over-ride everything they believe they believe. Emotional education is often missing from education programs aiming to address behavioural issues.

This is a plea to educators to remember the power of their own emotions, to translate that to the out-of-control emotions of a young person struggling with adolescence and all its intricacies, and to unmask the role emotions will play in what they do.

It is their feelings that lead them, not their thinking. Just like it does for adults.

The Elephant In The Room

My first reaction when I began to write this article was to go looking for the scholarly professional papers on the subject of grief and loss. What do the professionals say? What does the research have to contribute? What can I learn off the grief and loss help sites?

Then I stopped. Why is it that we seek out professional help when none is needed? Why do we want to know what 'they' say (whoever they are) and why is their opinion of more value than mine, or the young people I stood beside in this latest experience of death? Why do we not listen to ourselves and those who have experienced death up close and personal without running it through some theoretical paradigm, which we hope, will render death harmless?

For more follow this link, http://bit.ly/13uKkay or go to www.contemplativejournal.com.

'Engaging teenagers from a non-religious background in the spiritual journey'.

Just got back from speaking at the Australian Ecumenical Council for Spiritual Directors Conference at Xavier College, Melbourne.

Presented a workshop on 'Engaging teenagers from a non-religious background in the spiritual journey'. 

An enthusiastic audience who wanted to hear more about technology free silent retreats, innovative meditation, Monty the dog the meditation mentor, pilgrimage in the footsteps of heroes, rediscovering the guru and more.

Thank you to the AECSD for the opportunity.