O Little Town of Aleppo

(Thoughts on the Sunday before Christmas given at Lessons and Carols Service, 2016)

Tonight we sing carols and read of the much awaited anointed who is to bring peace and goodwill to all. Tonight we begin to dream of Christmas Day and the romanticised meaning story that goes with it. Tonight we think of presents, visits from family members, roast pork and crackling and Christmas pudding. Tonight it is so easy to drift away from the story as is told.

Two scared and lonely young middle eastern people fulfilling the need to be counted by a tyrannical government and expecting their first child. They find themselves in unfamiliar territory, nowhere to stay and a baby due any moment.

They take whatever refuge they are offered and find themselves sharing a space with animals and their food troughs. The event is so traumatic and decisive they and those nearby experience events beyond imagining they can only describe as a choir of angels, darkness snapping light and a sound so dramatic it shakes them up so much shepherds, outcasts, make their way in to see what this is all about.

It was no sweet and delightful event. It was terrifying and it remained so after the birth resulting in, some time later, an exodus to Egypt to escape the wrath of Herod.

Sound familiar? Is it an ancient story? No. It is the story of refugees and boat people, people escaping war torn countries and the oppression of powerful countries. It is a story that is ever new and everyday. It is a story we have been spared and perhaps that is why we romanticise the images at Christmas the way we romanticise poverty and meaningless work.

Our challenge this Christmas is to embrace the truth at the centre of this story – the brutality of humanity to its own – and to commit ourselves to work for peace and goodwill for all. What happened in the little town of Bethlehem reverberates through our world and we do it a disservice if we remain stuck in a Hallmark card representation.

As we begin this week let us think of another middle eastern city and stand with the child yet to be born.

 

O, LITTLE TOWN OF ALEPPO
How scared we see thee lie,
Above thy ancient, ruined streets
Unholy stars collide.
Yet in some backstreet shelter
A newborn infant cries,
The hopes and fears of all the years
Are met in Thee tonight

For Christ is born of Mary
And Herod smells the blood
Still Rachel weeps, but angels keep
Their bitter watch of love
O morning stars together
Proclaim the holy birth,
Let weeping cease, and foolish peace
Be born again in us.

How silently, how violently
The wondrous gift is slain
A mother cries and though he dies
Her son shall rise again.
Perceive his broken body
Conceive his future form
And as you grieve, yet still believe
The birth of Isa dawns.

(Peter Greig)

  

The Myth of Innocence

The innocence of children has become an accepted mantra of modern society, an idea challenged by recent incidents such as the shooting of a man in Sydney by a 15 year old boy. We believe children are incapable of doing or thinking evil in our culture that promotes the idea all children are innocent.

Yet the case of James Bulger showed just how optimistic such an idea is. James was murdered on 12 February 1993, at the age of two. He was abducted from a shopping centre and murdered by two ten-year-old boys. In some ways it woke society out of its slumber but not entirely so. As we often do with gross tragedies society demonises the perpetrators, using words such as monsters, mentally ill, evil, rarely is children, child or other terms used to describe an ordinary person who committed and extraordinary crime.

As a result we see those responsible for such acts as aberrations and continue to highlight the innocence of children as the norm. Anyone who has spent a few weeks in a school playground can assure you this is not so. Bullying, name-calling, interpersonal violence, isolation and other demeaning activities are on show for all to see. And, yes, your children and grandchildren are no more innocent than anybody else’s. They all have the tendency to do evil.

Children are often cute but rarely innocent.

Which brings us to Mark10:14-16 from the Living Bible:

¹⁴ But when Jesus saw what was happening he was very much displeased with his disciples and said to them, “Let the children come to me, for the Kingdom of God belongs to such as they. Don’t send them away! ¹⁵ I tell you as seriously as I know how that anyone who refuses to come to God as a little child will never be allowed into his Kingdom.”

¹⁶ Then he took the children into his arms and placed his hands on their heads and he blessed them.

A danger in reading the Bible is to translate the stories directly into our culture. These are stories written to address situations pertinent to a particular place and time. Jesus is not addressing a situation occurring in downtown Ashburton or Glen iris, but in relation to the way young people were treated in his time.

Children were seen neither as innocent or deserving of special treatment. They were not hovered over by mothers and fathers who worked to ensure that their child received the best, became the best and was not discriminated against by others. This story is not about my child being special, more special than anything else.

In Jesus’ time, children were completely dependent upon their relationship with their father for their life and place in the family. The father decided whether the child would even be accepted into the family. Children belonged to their father and remained subject to his authority even as adults. The saying "to receive the kingdom like a child," which most scholars treat as originally independent of the scene about accepting children, must, therefore, refer to the radical dependence of the child on the father for any status, inheritance, or, in families where children might be abandoned, for life itself. It warns the disciples that they are radically dependent upon God's grace -- they cannot set the conditions for entering the kingdom.

Now isn’t that interesting? Jesus takes a practice or a circumstance, common to his age but out of sync with our own, to introduce the concept of grace. Children had no special right to their place in the family. There was nothing they could do to ensure that they received a place or had first place. Birthplace in the family hierarchy, gender or ability did not guarantee them a place. They were simply to be children.

Old Testament stories of the battle for supremacy in families, Cain and Abel, Joseph, Esau and more reinforce graphically the scheming and conniving that went on to gain the father’s favour and to get your hands on the coveted position of power. The Father held the upper hand and unless you were chosen you missed out, and perhaps, were left out of the family all together. You relied completely on the father’s generosity.

Jesus seems to take this patriarchal system and remind us we are dependent on God’s grace for all the good things that come our way, particularly our acceptance into heaven. We cannot connive or scheme our way into heaven. We simply have to be obedient to what we understand is the will of God and to leave the rest up to God. Like the children Jesus referred to who had to trust their father, we are to trust God.

Is this fair or is Jesus out of line by making such a connection? Isn’t this idea disempowering? Why can’t children be whatever they want to be, do what ever they want to do and be entitled to be treated as innocent and precious, someone whose every wish is pampered to?

Is it fair Jesus asks to give up our own wilful decision making processes to rely completely on the grace of God? Shouldn’t we have some say in what we do and how we go about securing our eternal future? Perhaps Jesus response would be: “Well, we did give you free will; so how did that turn out for you?”

Grace is a gift and a decision. It is God’s gift of unconditional empowerment freely given to those who decide to be open to the possibility of unlimited empowerment.

Grace cannot be bestowed if we are looking the other way. If we are committed to doing things our way (thanks Frank), dictating the terms of the relationship (if you do…then I will…), designing what it looks like (God, let me win X Factor or Lotto, or the grand-final), then we block the presence of God’s grace in our lives.

The children Jesus was referring to had to make a decision to trust the Father. The Father was not exempt of responsibility. Jesus was challenging Fathers to give good things to their children. They were not to be tyrants, dictators, and manipulators of the children. This was a relationship of mutual giving and decision-making. The fathers were to be gracious in their treatment of their children. Neither were to abuse the relationship. Both were to respect each other and to allow what would be to be. What happens when they don’t? See the Prodigal son for more details.

What a challenge for us as we reflect on our personal relationships, and particularly our relationship with God; to give ourselves completely to God, open to the unlimited empowerment available to us and deciding to let go of our impulse to control and to manage the outcomes according to our will. This applies to our relationship with partners; children and those we work with as well as the ultimate relationship on which all else is developed.

Are we, as a church able to give up our concerns and our fears, our preferred outcomes and dreams for our parish; and to give ourselves entirely to the grace of God? The children Jesus was referring to trusted the outcome to the generosity of empowerment; are we able to do so here?

It does not mean we are exempt of responsibility of hard work, effort, prayer and obedience. On the contrary that is what is expected of us. We are to work as if everything relies upon our efforts, while at the same time knowing we are completely dependent upon God’s grace.

This is not a story of childish innocence. It is a realistic story of the facts of life. To welcome children and to be welcomed as children is about the gift of mutual respect and responsibility. We are empowered to the doing of great deeds by the fact the outcome doesn’t rely on us. God has got us covered.

Welcoming The Marginalised

Mark 9:30-37

 

Each year the International Day of Peace is observed around the world on 21 September. The theme of this year’s commemoration is “Partnerships for Peace – Dignity for All” which aims to highlight the importance of all segments of society to work together to strive for peace. 

 

Here in Australia we are being challenged on a number of levels, both connected to the UNHCR day and words of Jesus as recorded in todays Gospel -

³⁷“Whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me, and whoever welcomes me welcomes not me but the one who sent me.”

Domestic violence, crimes against children and the plight of refugee families appear to be very different issues and require different strategies and approaches, yet they are essentially the same issue – power and control gained through violence and fear.

Aylan Kurdi, William Tyrell and Luke Batty are united in their suffering and raise the question: how seriously do we take Jesus plea to welcome children?

As with most of Jesus pronouncements this one would have made those standing around choke on what ever they were drinking or eating at the time. Children, like women, were possessions, useful to have around but not necessarily valued for who they were. They had a job to fulfil and could be treated as the male wished.

I was talking to a lady from an Asian background and we were discussing domestic chores and how men were beginning to take a more proactive role. She mentioned that in her culture this still had a long way to go. She had recently shared a meal with members of her family. The husband of one of her friends simply sat in his seat, requesting, no demanding to be served, first, got a glass of water, provided with his every need and he did not move from his seat. His wife was up and down like a yo-yo fulfilling every one of his requests. In Jesus time that was the norm.

Children we not useful as children, they were an investment in the future, but right now they were useless and to be ignored. You simply wouldn’t welcome children like you would an adult. In fact you would ignore them, send them away.

Jesus’ words were revolutionary and shocking. They still are.

Despite our elevation of young people we still struggle to treat them as children who are vulnerable and innocent. We rush them onto national televised talent shows way before they are mature enough to understand what is happening (and 15 is too young); we push them to fulfil one after another of a range of unnecessary activities (music, sport and other recreational clubs); we measure, test and label them with diagnostic tools from both the medical (DSM V) and the educational sectors (NAPLAN etc); we hover over them to protect them from monsters under the bed, bad people and accidents of life, they are objects not subjects, they have ceased to be persons who are on a journey, striving for being.

The stories of Aylan Kurdi, William Tyrell and Luke Batty have become headlines for selling newspapers, supporting political interventions and demonising others. They have become the face of a disturbing trend – the recruitment of victims into campaigns and policy making who should never have been victims in the first place.

This is not a comment on their parents, but a comment on society. It speaks directly to how we value people and how we value ourselves. It speaks to a complacency which ignores the obvious until it can not be ignored and then turns the tragedy which occurred into a focal point for boasting about what we will, have or may do about the problem. And the violence continues.

In listening to the Queensland Premier speaking on domestic violence, she referred to working on strategies and programs which are evidence. ‘Evidence based’ is a catchphrase, narrow, overused and of little use. It means we won’t do what is necessary until we have the research to support it and because there is so little known about these areas, and that the context of each situation will always give rise to events outside the evidence, in the end little occurs. It is narrow because it only accepts the scientific method, ruling out tradition, spiritual and cultural solutions which have been with us for a long time.

Jesus ties it together well.

It is connected to power and control. All domestic violence and crimes against children are about power and control or the loss of power and control, cannot be resolved simply by devolving responsibility for these issues to others who will now have power and control of those involved. The argument about who is first is an argument about who has the power to make decisions, impose their will and control the lives of those involved. Jesus says you have it all wrong, you need to listen to those who you are not listening to now, those you have marginalised until they are useful to you. It is not just about creating welcoming spaces for children but about hearing them and responding, learning and sharing with

them. They have something to say and it needs to be heard, but I fear this will get lost on the surge for evidence based programmes and responses.

It is connected to a universal and transcendent presence. Jesus says if you welcome, listen to, respond to, the children, you welcome me, and you welcome God. Humanity cannot solve any of the issues raised by Aylan, William or Luke as single definable objective events. We are all connected to these issues and we can only solve them through dialogue, not just with ourselves but with all involved; by strengthening relationships, that is the meaning of welcoming through hospitality (not food but open arms and doors); and by limiting our reliance on diagnoses and evidence based responses and remembering that it takes a village to raise a child, and violence any where in the world has its home in each of us.

It is connected to practicing the companionship of empowerment. God empowers Jesus who empowers us to empower others. How do we do that?

• By challenging the structures, systems and traditions which give rise to violence.
• By challenging the sense of entitlement that abounds in relationships and not allowing that sense of entitlement to present in our relationships with others.
• By challenging the language used by governments and corporates to disempower and control others.
• By challenging stereotypes and traditional practices and languages with in religions and within the church.
• By giving permission for those who are disempowered to have a voice, and then listening and learning from what we hear.
• By consciously and mindfully reflecting on, and monitoring, our own language and practice, and making changes that empower others.

After I had spoke on a similar issue on Friday at the ABM Board dinner, several people came up questioning my right to speak because of my colour. I think they wanted evidence-based research to prove who I am. They were subtly exerting power in order to avoid dealing with the issues raised. This is what Jesus is addressing.

 

He is saying even those who do not look like they have something to say, are labelled as victims or deemed able to contribute to providing solutions, can. In fact they are key to solving the problem. Those in exile in fact are the only ones who can because they are the only ones who know what it is like, why it is like that and what may be appropriate action.

 

Jesus would stand squarely with the idea of partnerships for peace – dignity for all. And he would turn to us to do the same. AMEN

The Elephant In The Room

My first reaction when I began to write this article was to go looking for the scholarly professional papers on the subject of grief and loss. What do the professionals say? What does the research have to contribute? What can I learn off the grief and loss help sites?

Then I stopped. Why is it that we seek out professional help when none is needed? Why do we want to know what 'they' say (whoever they are) and why is their opinion of more value than mine, or the young people I stood beside in this latest experience of death? Why do we not listen to ourselves and those who have experienced death up close and personal without running it through some theoretical paradigm, which we hope, will render death harmless?

For more follow this link, http://bit.ly/13uKkay or go to www.contemplativejournal.com.

Mary and the Shepherds

17When they saw this, they made known what had been told them about this child; 18and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds told them. 19But Mary treasured all these words and pondered them in her heart. 20The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all they had heard and seen, as it had been told them. (Luke 1:17-20)

Writing a Christmas sermon is not easy. Everyone knows the story. They have heard it all before, or at least enough of it to have said, Yep, I know what its all about. It’s a story about a baby, some shepherds and their reindeers, a funny old fellow called Santa Claws, presents and a star. I know its got something to do with chimneys, kissing under the mistletoe, three wise women from the east and a docile donkey, no midwife and only a cows’ feed trough for a bed. It’s about Christmas specials, turkeys and prawns, snow and beach cricket, a big lunch and an afternoon siesta, a boat race to Tasmania and beating the Indians at the MCG. Yep, that’s what Christmas is all about.

Really? You sure?

Christmas is also about boat people looking for a better life, refugees on Christmas Island (appropriately named), people mourning a loved one, no money to feed empty tummies, needless wars in far off lands, too much alcohol, car accidents, politicians and their platitudes, and more.

Really? Is that all?

Well no, that’s not all.

Christmas is about hope, gift, presence, love, mystery in the midst of the ordinariness of life. When, as a child, I asked my father what he wanted for Christmas he would say, “A jam tin with a hole in the bottom.” A funny thing to say. A jam tin with both ends cut out is kind of useless really. You can’t put anything in it, you can’t cover anything up with it, it is useless.

Or was he saying something else about the essence of Christmas – was he saying that it is much more than a tangible item, it is a gift that is too big to grasp and contain, to hold and to keep for yourself. It is more than something you can lock down and put a lid on. The essence of Christmas is beyond definition, beyond theological or philosophical argument, it is the presence of the Spirit in the midst of life.

The shepherds are keeping watch over their flocks – sitting around a campfire as the sheep sat around them, their night - time stillness was disturbed by a mysterious vision of angels announcing the birth of the Messiah. Now that was disturbing, for no one ever told shepherds anything – they were so much the outcasts that people barely spoke to them. Yet it is to them that the birth of the Messiah is announced. And not an announcement about a king born in a fancy palace, but a baby born in the shed put aside for the farm animals at the back of a house of lodgings – called a pub – in a non-descript country village far from the halls of power and authority.

This so intrigued the shepherds that they went down to have a look. Interestingly no-one stayed behind to watch the sheep. Why? Well, because of the racket caused by the angels, I suggest the sheep had scattered far and wide and they would have to go looking the next day to round them up. Can’t do that of a night.

So down they go and find it all as the angels had told them, and they are amazed and rush off back to share their story with anyone and everyone who would listen. They were excited.

Now, the key player in all this, Mary, responds differently. She has just given birth to a healthy baby boy, a boy she has been previously informed is the saviour of the world. I am sure she was happy, happy to have given birth in circumstances that were primitive, even for the time, and survived the ordeal and happy for the special honour this particular birth was. Yet she and Joseph don’t seem to be cracking open the champagne and passing out the cigars. They seem to be quietly watching this extraordinary event unfold around them, the birth, the gathering of the shepherds and their encounter with the angels, the visit from the locals, the strange star overhead, and the back story which preceded this event.

Luke captures their mood when he says:” 19But Mary treasured all these words (and experiences) and pondered them in her heart.”

For Mary and Joseph this event was so mysterious, so indescribable, so awe-inspiring that it was beyond their understanding at that very moment. Neither understood what this all meant, no could they, but they simply didn’t dismiss it all as some sort of myth or hallucination, but pondered, reflected, contemplated it all, allowing the Spirit of God to reveal it, as and when appropriate.

On this, the night before Christmas, let us take into our hearts the story of the birth of Jesus, the coming of the Christ, the Messiah, the one with us in this world and reflect upon it’s innocence, it’s love, it’s depth and it’s call to us, who once were outcasts, to open our lives and share it with all, regardless of who they are. Let us reflect on the gift God gives us and remember that all gifts, given and received this Christmas, are only symbols of the gift of love found in Christ.

Let us reflect on the incarnation or coming amongst of Christ and be mindful of how we are amongst those we share this world with.

Let us reflect on the fragility of that small baby who relied so much on others for life and know how fragile our lives are and how much we rely on others for our daily existence.

The story of Christmas has become a little confused in the modern retelling, or should I say, reselling of it; yet the foundational story has not changed. It is about the gift of life and the power of that gift to unbalance our complacency and cause us to ‘ponder on all these words and experiences within our heart”.

The challenge, as we move to the Eucharist and the festivities of Christmas day, is to celebrate the gift or life and live mindful of that gift everyday. Like my father’s jam tin with the a hole in it, Christmas is a gift we can never contain and it will go on revealing itself to us for the rest of our life, if we ponder on it in our hearts.

Facebook underage signups grow thanks to parents

November 2nd, 2011 at 8:28 am - Author
Slyvia
A new study which was part funded by Microsoft shows that children under 13 are signing up for Facebook, which breaches the federal laws in America, to protect children’s online privacy.

According to the report, there are millions of underage kids signing up for Facebook, and many parents are helping their children to lie, getting them online.

The findings show that 7 out of 10 parents said they helped their children set up accounts, violating the companies terms of service rules.

Danah Boyd, the co author of ‘Why Parents Helps Their Children Lie to Facebook about Age’ said “There has been outrage about under-aged children being on Facebook. And as it turns out, many parents are not only okay with it — they are helping their children set up accounts.”


The above comment found on the web and seen in the papers over the last week has fuelled the discussion about what age children should be allowed to be on Facebook. It is obvious that many parents deem their children are capable of handling both the complex Facebook privacy settings and the intricacies of friending and posting unseen as young as 8.

For me the issue is a little more complex than that. In fact, that is not the primary concern we should be discussing. The issue has to do with entitlement – I am entitled to participate in this technology and any rules set to regulate it do not apply to my children or me.

We live in a world where there are rules that govern our behaviour, our interactions with and our responsibilities to others. Without these rules we would have anarchy. Despite the fact that we may not like all of the rules, we are not entitled to believe they do not apply to us.

Travelling down the highway from Brisbane with my cruise control on the speed limit, I wondered if I was in a foreign land where 110 meant 120 as car after car, p-platers and all, sped past. Apparently they are entitled to travel faster than the law allows.

The message we are giving our children when we allow or assist them to break rules or break rules in front of them, is that rules, acceptable limits, do not apply to them. If they want to they will, becomes their mantra, and when the rules are applied, they will be shocked and dismayed that someone dares to say no to them. Unfortunately when that happens, their parents are similarly dismayed and come to their aid blaming all others.

A parent was complaining that their daughter was being bullied and harassed on Facebook. She was 10. She wanted to know what to do. Simple – it’s against the rules for her to be on Facebook. If she weren’t on there she wouldn’t be being bullied. Get her off.

This not a rant against technology, just pointing out that the argument about age is the wrong one. It’s about responsibility and setting the example. It’s about realizing, as both parents and children, that we are in fact entitled to little in this life, and any such entitlement comes with responsibility and respect for the acceptable limits that maintains society as we know it.

When is the right time for children to be on Facebook, I’m not sure, but I know the rules say it’s not 8 or 10 or 12 – you must be 13!

Made in the Image of Your Desire. – Luke 16: 1-13

“And his master commended the dishonest manager because he had acted shrewdly;”

I love this story. Like many of Jesus’ stories it makes no sense, no logical sense from where we sit. How can Jesus tell a story in which the hero is a conniving survivor who uses graft and corruption to build for himself social capital? A man who, when under pressure from the corporate watch dogs, does a deal with as many business connections as possible in such a way as those investigating applaud him for his business acumen. It doesn’t save his job but does maintain his income and his lifestyle.

Jesus was a good judge of human nature for we can all put names and faces to this man, people we have watched through the media be caught and yet miraculously comeback in the business world due to the deals they did with others which guaranteed them support when they needed it most.

A business acquaintance used to say to me that there ‘is no connection between personal ethics and business success, if you want to be successful leave your personal ethics right where they belong, in your personal life’, was his mantra.

In this story Jesus seems to give approval to the shrewd and calculating nature of the corrupt manager, as if that is something to be aspired to. What was Jesus saying and is it relevant in this modern age where greed is not only prevalent but often the only reason for people doing business, undertaking studies or pursuing goals? People are seeking instant success and will sacrifice their personal ethics for a shot at the big one.

I am an unusual person. I simply cannot stand reality TV and especially not talent shows or cooking shows like Master Chef. And Junior Master Chef – what is that all about? The exploitation of children for TV ratings, parent delayed gratification and some vague hope that success on a TV show at 11 will make you successful for life? Bizarre is the word and the only word I can use. Hasn’t anyone caught on – reality TV is about producers making money at the expense of others and has very little to do with valuing and developing human beings.

Why would parents allow their 10-11 year olds to step any where near a Master Chef kitchen? These are children, little children, not little adults. These are children who have yet to develop an understanding of themselves in relation to the world and need space to be children to do that. I am constantly amazed (and have been for some time – this is not a new phenomena) at the confusion caused by parents and society who pressure children to be adults, way before they are ready. Today they are treated as equals, they are not; they are given choices and access to resources such as the internet and mobile phones that they do not need nor are ready for; they are allowed to wear styles of clothing and facial jewelry that are inappropriate for their age; they are applauded, awarded and treated as fledgling superstars or geniuses when they are simply precocious with an over inflated sense of self-importance, sadly, not necessarily of their own making. And no one ever says no to them for fear it will do some ghastly damage to their fragile egos. (OOOPS! I do!)

What happens when these young people find their dreams and hopes were just wishful thinking and they are left having to wash dishes at McDonalds, play guitar in pub bands or simply be unemployed and forgotten. We have an endemic of depression amongst young people and the blame sits squarely at the feet of those who have set them up for a fall. Their form of depression often is the result of them not getting what they thought or have been lead to believe by the adults in their lives, was or is rightfully theirs. And we are all implicit in this for we are apart of that society.

Breanne Potter offers an insight into how we might respond better on behalf of the children in our lives. She says;

I’m a member of Gen X, and my generation has it’s own unique set of characteristics and challenges, but thank goodness my parents taught me the value of my actions. They taught me that in competition, there are winners and losers. Everyone doesn’t get a trophy, and we always kept score. They taught me that you must practice and give 100% to win as well. I wasn’t paid to get good grades. I got good grades because they expected and would tolerate nothing less of me. I was taught the consequences of my actions. If I left my bicycle outside and it was stolen, then I would have to save my allowance (which I received for doing chores) and buy a new one. My parents scolded me when I was wrong and praised me when I did well. They also taught me that presentation matters. I remember a heated debate over my signature on my college applications. According to my dad it was too sloppy and I would never get into college with that kind of first impression. I did in fact get into college, but the lesson was still an important one.

It’s all about what we value. Jesus’ shrewd manager reminds us that what we value is what we will do everything in our power to protect. For him it was wealth, position and respect. He wasn’t interested in the finer points of life such as ethical behavior, life affirming values or respecting others. He would do whatever was necessary, including graft and corruption and the manipulation of others to maintain his place, or as it turned out, to better his position in society. At the end of this even his former boss admires him for his ruthless business acumen.

Forget Gordon Grecko and greed is good, this man adds, ‘greed is good and stop at nothing to get it!’ But as my father is oft to say, “You can’t make a good man out of a bad one with money”. It is what we value that will define us and we cannot have a foot in two or more camps. It becomes very uncomfortable.

Jesus smiles and says:
3No slave can serve two masters; for a slave will either hate the one and love the other, or be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and wealth.”

Interesting choice of words – no slave – we are slaves to our values. What we value controls, owns, our life. We are what we believe in. We are slaves.

Jesus is clear when he seemingly congratulates the underhand activities of the wayward businessman. As Christians, we are to know what we believe, what we are slaves to, and to do everything in our power to turn that belief into a way of life which is rewarded both here and now and in heaven. We are either a part of the culture of our society or committed to the counter-cultural ethic of the gospel – we have to make a choice.

The prevailing attitude of our society is that the world owes us a living and we will manipulate it and others to achieve our goals. Unfortunately many Christians are unable to extricate themselves from this dilemma. Finding ways to interpret the Gospels to give respectability to greed, exploitation and bullying is at the very best a poor excuse for not making the choice.

It is not about us as individuals but us as a community, a community called to share at the well-laid table of Christ in what ever form that table may be laid. It is how we live out our allegiance to God’s creative compassion, which will distinguish us, not how materially well off or powerful we are. It is how we raise our children as children to be other focused adults, allowing them the time and the opportunity to become who and what they are meant to be and not what we want them to be – mini-me’s living out our missed opportunities. It is how we ensure we share whatever grace God has shared with us, with others.

Thomas Merton suggests:
“A life is either all spiritual or not spiritual at all. No man can serve two masters. Your life is shaped by the end you live for. You are made in the image of what you desire.”

Jesus says to you and I today to be shrewd in our how you live out what you believe for it is what you believe which will define how you live.

Simplicity in Small Hands

An education system or institution, which is unresponsive to the voice of the young, is doomed to failure.

Naaman was a powerful man. (2 Kings 5:1-17). What he wanted he got and I am sure that he had sought out all the latest knowledge and information regarding his illness, yet nothing had worked. His leprosy remained and he saw himself as less than a complete man. Despite all his success, and he was indeed extremely successful, he was still a leper.

I would also suggest he was a good man. Not just those who benefited from his prowess but also those who had suffered by it, held him in esteem. In his own home not just his family respected him but by those who served him – slaves accrued through his many victorious campaigns.

His desperation for healing was known by all, including the little house girl who served his wife. She had heard the discussions, arguments and despair, and felt for them both.

She had also heard the stories coming from the homeland about Elisha the prophet and how he was a proficient healer. She had never lost her faith in the God of her heritage and knew that if only Naaman would go there he would be healed.

One has to marvel at her courage. She spoke up and shared her simple faith and her special knowledge. That was courage. She was in a foreign country, under the control of a superior culture in every sense, and yet she spoke up about what may have been seen as a superstition, or at best, a substandard understanding of the world.

And yet not only did her mistress listen and pass the knowledge onto her husband, Naaman seems to have taken it seriously enough to take it to his king and ask permission to seek out this prophet. And the King agreed.

Naaman goes off and encounters Elisha. Elisha does not act as Naaman expected him to. He didn’t come out and greet the great man and he did not suggest the type of grandiose healing event Naaman thought his situation deserved. He was simply asked to go and wash in a dirty, insipid river, the Jordan, unlike any of the great rivers where he lived.

Naaman may have been desperate, but not that desperate. It takes the input of his servants once again to remind him that if he had been asked to undertake some great feat would he have done it? Of course. Then why not just do as you are asked and see what happens?

Grumpily he did, and he was healed.

This story is about simplicity – the simplicity of a child. It is this simplicity that we must appropriate in our relationship with those we teach and serve in this and other schools.

Many times over in my life I have watched and experienced the simplicity in which children challenge, learn, explore and grow.

Daniel O’Leary says: ‘Maybe only children and saints want to be nobody else’. Like the roses in our garden they are simply content to be themselves and, out of that security of being, ask much of us if we could but hear them. St Francis said when once looking at a rose, ‘I hear you. Stop shouting.’

It is this simplicity which was heard by Naaman and resulted in his healing. He nearly stuffed it up as we often do. We revert to our program, our way of teaching, our role as teacher and miss the learning inherent in the people, places and things around us.

Here we witness simplicity in 3 ways:

Simplicity of the servant girls’ wisdom – she understood what was possible for her Master and shared that simple information. It wasn’t fancy. She hadn’t been educated or studied under some great teacher. It was obvious – Elisha healed people and could do so here.

Simplicity of the ordinary acts of life. Naaman was asked to take on the simple faith of the young girl and partake in seemingly absurd acts way below his station as a leader, as an educated person or as a wealthy property owner. Yet all the trappings of success and education was of little help. He had to become as a little child to be healed.

Simplicity of the faith of a child. Keep it simple stupid seems to be one of God’s favourite adages. Yet for us humans simple is not something we do well. Faith is also not something we do well either. To trust another, in this case Elisha’s directions or to trust in God to care for us, as in the Gospel reading, seems just too illogical, too hard for our reasoning brains. Instead of saying yes, we like Naaman argue with God and those who represent him in the circumstances of our lives. Often we simply ignore those who bring us good information, like the young people we teach.

I learnt long ago that the one who challenges me is my friend, my teacher and my guide. So over the years I have learnt much of what I know from my challenging those who taught me and from those who in turn have challenged me, directly or indirectly.

In the Salvation Army Training College Commissioner Hubert Scotney an esteemed biblical and doctrine scholar, endured hours of questioning and debate from myself. I challenged almost everything he said and wanted to know, if this is so, why? He was an amazing man who was well into his 70’s when I studied under him, he never wearied, and through this vigorous debate taught me more than I would have learnt if he simply reverted to his role as the all knowing teacher.

All the programs I have developed for working with youth and children have come primarily from those I was commissioned to work with. It was their stories, their needs, their questioning which resulted in the shape, colour and style of programs we ran.

My understanding of the depth of racism and race equality was taught to me by a young indigenous boy who at the age of ten filled up a tub with bleach and sat in it so that he could be the same colour as the other kids and get a fair go at school and from the police. It didn’t work.

My understanding of the hopelessness of poverty for children came from a 7 year old girl who has dirty, unkempt and difficult, but who went home of a night time and cooked meals for her family. One day a teacher threatened to refer her to the authorities, she put both hands on hips and said, “That’s right, put me the too hard basket and let some else deal with me.” We didn’t.

Just recently a student came to me with an A4 page of queries, questions and criticisms about the role of religion and church in the world and in the school. We spent an exciting and invigorating hour or so working through her list. It was wonderful, for she asked me for evidence of my faith and my understanding of that faith in a way few others could. It wasn’t ideological, it was simple, honest exploration of her journey, and it challenged what and how I believed as well. It left neither of us unchanged. It was education at its very best.

The challenge for us, and this educational institution, is how we listen not speak, how we learn not teach, how we model rightbehaviour not demand it, and how we open ourselves to those we engage everyday. It is how we give away the power to those around us to explore their journey in reason and faith which is so important.

e.e.cummings wrote:
“…..you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens
(touching skilfully, mysteriously) her first rose….
…nobody, not even the rain has such small hands.”

It is our light touch they need so we will recognise their light touch when it brushes up against us.

And that’s the challenge of simplicity in life long learning for all of us.

Humans Behaving Badly

Looking at this weeks headlines I wonder what is happening in our world including:
Mark McInnes (CEO of David Jones)resigns over inappropriate behaviour (with female staff member).
Andrew Johns, Robert DiPierdomenico and Mal Brown inappropriate racial statements.
The verbal bullying between Government and mining industry.
Revenge murder of the mother of a driver involved in a car accident resulting in death.
Violence during the state of origin footy match which went unpunished by the officials and applauded by others.
And thats without looking at what is going on in the international arena.
And more.

No wonder we have a problem with bullying and inappropriate behaviour from our children.

The big question for all the big people (I mean adults) in the world is: what are you doing to arrest this problem? How do you model behaviour? What is it that your children see and hear every day they are with you?

How do you speak about others, deal with authority, understand difference and diversity and exemplify the type of behaviour you want your children to have?

If there are school rules, road rules, accepted standards of behaviour required by society, do you uphold these and support those who are responsible for them?

In a conversation with a group of boys the other day I asked: "Is it o.k. to disrespect others?", they predictably answered yes. I repeated the question three times, the last time they stood still and said nothing. It was then I said, "I think the answer is yes because your behaviour says loudly I do not respect you, so it is obviously o.k. to disrespect others."

And despite our willingness to blame every thing from computer games, movies, music and 'them' (who ever they are), the buck stops with those of us who has responsibility for them: not just parents but parents in the first instance (it's part of the job description), but all adults who have some influence over their lives.

It's time to look into the mirror and do something about what we see.

Tiger Woods

Last week some of us watched the apology of the richest and the most powerful sportsman in history who has been humbled by a black hole called "it's all about me".

Tiger Woods said, “"I thought I could get away with whatever I wanted to. I felt that I had worked hard my entire life and deserved to enjoy all the temptations around me. I felt I was entitled. Thanks to money and fame, I didn't have to go far to find them.”

He also said: "I stopped living by the core values that I was taught to believe in. I knew my actions were wrong, but I convinced myself that normal rules didn't apply. I never thought about who I was hurting. Instead, I thought only about myself."

This not an attempt to tarnish Tiger but simply to draw attention to the pitfalls of modern life. Tiger does not stand alone. Right now there are ordinary people who have convinced themselves that the values and rules of society do not apply to them. They have made life personal, all about number 1. These are the spoilt generation.

Aric Sigman, in his book "The Spoilt generation", uses that term for modern children, but I would suggest it covers the majority of society including their parents. He suggests that spoilt people have the following qualities:
• A personal sense of entitlement – I deserve whatever I want - a person with less empathy and sympathy, more interested in himself than others.
• A personal need for instant gratification – it’s not a case of wanting something, but the expectation that they will get it because they want it.

The challenge we have as individuals is to learn how to live an other focussed life in all areas of our lives, to think deeply about how what I am about to do will effect others, will society benefit or am I simply acting for my own perceived, often misguided, good?

It is so easy to live with the attitude that the world revolves around me - me-centric living - and to complain about the lack of community and the perceived increase in crime, rudeness and rage. It will only improve when we live outside ourselves - other-centric living - and factor in the impact our actions have on others.

It's simple really - the privilege to live your life your way comes with the responsibility to live it right so that others are benefited, not harmed.

Parenting- A Simple Tip

Parenting is a tough job. Unfortunately we often have to balance parenting with a number of other tough jobs, like the one that pays the bills or that of maintaining our relationship with our partner, for example.

Finding enough time to spend with our children and to explore all those parenting things such as communication, encouraging achievements at home and school, boundary setting and teaching social skills is almost impossible. Yet there is one simple (not easy) way to achieve many of those goals at the one and same time.

Sharing one meal a day together for say 5 days per week around the dining room table. That would equal some 260 plus quality hours of parenting each year! Meals are a great time for people to share information and communicate, engage in that elusive eye contact necessary to reading the emotional moods of those you live and go to school with, raise interesting topics for discussion and allow questions to be asked and explored by all.

It may not sound like much but it’s a great way to begin, everybody has to eat, and if some simple ground rules are set at the beginning such as no talking with you mouth full, waiting for others to finish before you speak, no leaving the table until everyone is finished for example it could just be the start of an exciting adventure.

Research supports this simple approach and it is worth trying.

The Spoilt Generation

Over the years, in speaking to parents I have always made teh comment that they are to remain parents and not friends of their children. The response is always mixed but the message is simply we are parents not siblings or peers. they do not need more friends, they have enough of those. They do no need parents, they are simply not enough of those to go around.

Today we hear much about the breakdown of society and children lack of respect for their parents and parental type figures such as teachers, police officers and any one older than themselves. We ask ourselves how that happens and how do we regain authority when authority is deemed a naughty word (often mistaken for authoritarian - a horse of a totally different colour.)

Today I rode the Harley on the main highway near where I live. As I always do I maintain the speed limit or less at all times. It is interesting to note that people of all ages simply drive over and above the speed limit, often with their children in the back seat, fully able to see the speedometer. It may seem a little thing, but it is the little things which are letting us down.

You see if we can justify ignoring authority in our car, what messages are we sending to our children? That authority is not to be respected, including our authority as their parents. If authority is irrelevant in one area of our lives it is probably so in others and if that is the message our children witness what hope have we of maintaining authority in our families life?

Yes, I know authority, boundaries, discipline and deprivation (and boredom) are unpopular concepts, and , yes, they are almost as unpopular as parents know best and parents have the final word. The truth is that until parents take seriously their position and role, set limits and show by their example that authority is to be valued, we will struggle to regain the balance and stability our children desperately need.

I am extremely conscious of this as in my role as a high profile (thanks to the local media!) chaplain to a school in a relatively small community, I am aware that everywhere I go someone is watching me - usually students - and they are quick to report to all who will listen what I have being doing or have done. So when I leave my house (I have 6 or more students living in my small street) I am on my best behaviour, and that's not a bad thing. It reminds me always that people learn from what I do not what i say and if I want them to be good citizens in every sense of that word, I need to be so my self. Sometimes I get it right, others I get it wrong, but always I aim to set the standard high for both myself and for them. I think that's part of our role as older people in our community.

An excellent easy to read book called 'The Spoilt Generation' by Aric Sigman explores these ideas and challenges us to take back from our children, society and those with vested interests our rights as parents and parental figures before it is too late. Perhaps it is too late.

Violence - The Biff Goes On.

In the Melbourne age today Dr Jerry Rosenfield, frustrated by the consequences of violence he sees in his patients 'comments' on street violence ''Is it a problem with education? A lack of respect … Are they divorced from spiritual connections, are they not getting adequate education about how to behave in school and from their parents?'' (''Young men's mindlessness starts at home: surgeon'', The Age, 31/8).

http://www.theage.com.au/national/young-mens-mindlessness-starts-at-home-surgeon-20090830-f3ye.html.

If we add it to the responses from those involved in the Mullimbinby incident we begin to get a picture of a generation who externalises and not internalises the reasons for bad things happening. A young man involved in the Mullimbimby incident says words to the effect, it's no-ones fault it just happened. And the parents blame the school for not dealing with it.

Houston we have a problem and we need more than ground control to fix it.These are the things I talk about at Bloke's breakfast and in the parenting seminars I run at St Jude's Randwick. I have being doing this stuff for some 20+ years and the problem hasn't changed, what has changed is how we parent (noticed on Sunshine Channel 7 this morning a section on how to negotiate your 2 year old to eat vegetables for example), parents want to be friends to their children (they need to be liked by their children), parents encourage the externalisation, discipline is an old fashioned word and parents, in seeking their kids to be friends, help them to grow up way before their heads are ready for it and much more.

Jerry Rosenfield is on the money and asks the questions we are afraid to answer, and while I agree with Dr Carr-Greg that how we deal with alcohol needs review we are only masking the problem if we stay at that level (the same with law enforcement and court responses). It is to be noted that the other recent violent situation in a NSW school did not involve alcohol.

Michael goes on to say that the ‘risk factors for violence also reside within the individual, their peers and the community’. I agree. Individual sin (old fashioned word for thinking I am the centre of the world) is grown in the fertile ground of community that focuses on individualisation, blame and instant gratification.

It is not what goes in that is the problem, although it may make the problem worse, but what resides with in us and is expressed that is the problem. Its seems to me after some 30 years of working with young men in particular, that the issue has to do with anger, frustration and lack of mentoring in how to handle a range of issues impacting on men, and young men in particular in ways that work for men. It has to do with how we parent, how we fail to allow young men to take risk in positive ways, how we offer or do not offer them opportunities to be valued and valuable in society, how we as parents try and make life safe and protect them from the consequences of their actions and much more.

A debate is needed as to what constitutes common sense parenting, what are the roles of experts and statistics, what is my responsibility in life,what is the role of parents – friends or those with the responsibility to train their children how to live in society with respect for themselves and for others. It is a debate we need but won’t get as those of us old enough to take part are part of the problem – we drive too fast, drink too much, give the finger to the car which cuts us off and more – all in the presence of our children, and then wonder why we get what we get.

Resiliency

There is much discussion on what keeps people safe, particularly in relation to bouncing back from difficult times or the simple grind of doing life.

Much discussion about self-esteem which has seen people often unwilling to set boundaries or highlight when people especially children behave badly or do poor work - it has been reduced to only saying good things and never the critical, always saying yes and never no, and has seen any reasonable concept of discipline being avoided.

Resiliency on the other hand is that component of one's personality which allows you to engage fully with life, take the knocks, recognize your limits and accept limits and direction given by others and to process all ths in a manner which affirms your place in the world especially when that world is hostile to you.

Resiliency refers to the capacity of human beings to survive and thrive in the face of adversity.

• Three Sources of Resiliency
I HAVE
People around me I trust and who love me no matter what
People who set limits for me so I know when to stop before there is danger or trouble
People who show me how to do things right by the way they do things
People who want me to learn to do things on my own
People who help me when I am sick, in danger or need to learn

I AM
A person people can like or love
Glad to do nice things for others and show my concern
Respectful of myself and others
Willing to be responsible for what I do
Sure things will be all right

I CAN
Talk to others about things that frighten or bother me
Find ways to solve problems I face
Control myself when I feel like doing something not right or dangerous
Figure out when it is a good time to talk to someone or to take action
Find someone to help me when I need it


Grotberg, E, (1995)