Saturday 27 February 2010

Living in the Space-In-Between

Phillip Adams writing on Kerry Packer in The Australian October last year provides us with an insight into the powerful and wealthy man he became. In his article, Adams shares some of the conflict and difficulties Kerry suffered at the hands of his father and how the need to succeed and to be successful was a burden. Adams finishes the article as follows, and I quote, “ At the beginning of our odd friendship, after the first of our conversations that would go on until two or three in the morning, Kerry would talk about black holes. “That’s what I’ve got inside me. A black hole,” he said.”

Last week some of us watched the apology of the richest and the most powerful sportsman in history who has been humbled by a similar black hole. Tiger Woods said, “"I thought I could get away with whatever I wanted to. I felt that I had worked hard my entire life and deserved to enjoy all the temptations around me. I felt I was entitled. Thanks to money and fame, I didn't have to go far to find them.”

The black hole is merciless and swallows up the rich and the famous as well as the ordinary schoolboy or girl who thinks the rules do not apply to him or her. Despite all the opportunity we have before us, no matter how successful we are, we often find selves bemoaning our place in the world and looking for ways to fill that black hole. It never goes away.

In the 15th Chapter of Genesis we discover one of the most successful, most powerful and most wealthy of men, Abram, having to deal with his own personal black hole, one that if you follow this career never goes away. He never quite got over his fears and his doubts and his life is littered with bad decisions. Here we meet him after he has had a very successful time. In chapter 13 Abram & Lot had divided the land between them, with Lot taking the best parcel, described in ways similar to the Garden of Eden; Abram get’s a somewhat lesser although a quite extensive lot, simply “the land of the Canaanites”.

In chapter 14 Abram rescues Lot, defeats Chedorlaomer, among others with the result that the warlord King of Sodom offers him the riches of his conquest. He takes nothing – he does not use this as the opportunity to secure his future, for him his future can only be secured by “the Lord Most High”.

Very grand and full of faith. Yet…. Here in the beginning of chapter 15 he is anxious, he’s not as happy and relaxed as one who makes the claims he does may be expected to be. God is aware, and says to him, ‘Do not be afraid, I am your protector, you will get your reward’.

Abram seems to be like most of us. We can rise to the big occasions, deal with that extraordinary challenge, find some where in ourselves the necessary resources of wisdom, skill and faith to deal with the big stuff but become unstuck by the little.

For Abram it’s that he and Sarah still have no natural heir. It has been some time since God had promised that, Abram and Sarah have tried a number of stunts to help God get the job done and it hasn’t happened. So Abram is anxious – unsure about whether God can do that thing – he can do big things but can he do that thing?

God shows him the stars and says don’t worry your descendents will be as plentiful as the stars. Abram shrugs his shoulders, he’s not convinced.

How often do we do so in our own lives? We don’t have trouble with God sorting out or helping us through tragedy, difficulties or the unexpected stuff – but what about the day-to-day stuff? Some how we don’t think so, for to allow God to handle the minutiae is for us losing control over the things we think we ought to control.

The rather nonchalant comment that Abram indeed does believe the Lord in verse 6 is a little to simple, a little to easy. We know his track record, he does believe, but we also know that he stills struggles in the midst of his belief.

He sits some where in between, balancing his faith with his doubt, his fears with his assurance, his confidence with his anxiety. A priest I know often asks the question: What is the opposite of faith? (PAUSE & REPEAT) The answer is not doubt it is certainty. Certainty takes faith completely out of the question for we now no longer need to believe for we know.

God seems very comfortable with this perceived duality for it is not a duality at all. Faith and doubt are twins and sit comfortably together. Without one you do not have the other and neither will defeat the other but will simply provide the nourishment to stay with the questions in our life.

Thomas Merton in "Thoughts in Solitude" comments:
“Contradictions have always existed in the soul of man. But it is only when we prefer analysis to silence that they become a constant and insoluble problem. We are not meant to resolve all contradictions but to live with them and rise above them and see them in the light of exterior and objective values which make them trivial by comparison."

In verse 6 God honors that living with the questions in that “the Lord reckoned it to him as righteousness”. God understood his desire and accepted his questions as being the right way to live. He said to Abram and he says to us through the life and words of Jesus that he accepts us with all our contradictions as being the people he calls us to be.

Perhaps the challenges is best expressed in the words of Rainer Maria Rilke, in his book “Letters to a Young Poet”: ““Have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart. Try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books written in a foreign language. Do not now look for the answers. They cannot now be given to you because you could not live them. It is a question of experiencing everything. At present you need to live the question. Perhaps you will gradually, without even noticing it, find yourself experiencing the answer, some distant day.”

Abram did and so can we. AMEN
Genesis 15:1-6

Wednesday 24 February 2010

ANNOUNCING SQUIRE SHOE SPONSORSHIP

It is with great pleasure that I announce that RedShoes is now sponsored by Squire Shoes.

For sometime I have been wearing a wonderful pair of leather half boots made by Squire Shoes (see the picture on this page). I had spied them in a shop in Sydney and just had to have them. They are very comfortable, well cut and, not to put too fine a point on it, I just love them. I have worn them on my various overseas jaunts, on Sundays as part of my church worship, at my job as a school chaplain and whenever I take time out for some HDT (Harley Davidson Therapy).

So when I approached Squire enquiring about the availability of getting a pair of new red boots, I was extremely humbled to be offered a new pair in return for some exposure here, a mention in whatever press stuff that happens and the understanding that Squire shoes are my shoes, now that's a given.

A big thank you to Peter and his team. I am chuffed with my new William Red boots. I thought that was an appropriate pair to get given my middle name is William and that I love red boots!

Visit the site on the link on this page and check them out. You won't be disappointed.

Tuesday 23 February 2010

Tiger Woods

Last week some of us watched the apology of the richest and the most powerful sportsman in history who has been humbled by a black hole called "it's all about me".

Tiger Woods said, “"I thought I could get away with whatever I wanted to. I felt that I had worked hard my entire life and deserved to enjoy all the temptations around me. I felt I was entitled. Thanks to money and fame, I didn't have to go far to find them.”

He also said: "I stopped living by the core values that I was taught to believe in. I knew my actions were wrong, but I convinced myself that normal rules didn't apply. I never thought about who I was hurting. Instead, I thought only about myself."

This not an attempt to tarnish Tiger but simply to draw attention to the pitfalls of modern life. Tiger does not stand alone. Right now there are ordinary people who have convinced themselves that the values and rules of society do not apply to them. They have made life personal, all about number 1. These are the spoilt generation.

Aric Sigman, in his book "The Spoilt generation", uses that term for modern children, but I would suggest it covers the majority of society including their parents. He suggests that spoilt people have the following qualities:
• A personal sense of entitlement – I deserve whatever I want - a person with less empathy and sympathy, more interested in himself than others.
• A personal need for instant gratification – it’s not a case of wanting something, but the expectation that they will get it because they want it.

The challenge we have as individuals is to learn how to live an other focussed life in all areas of our lives, to think deeply about how what I am about to do will effect others, will society benefit or am I simply acting for my own perceived, often misguided, good?

It is so easy to live with the attitude that the world revolves around me - me-centric living - and to complain about the lack of community and the perceived increase in crime, rudeness and rage. It will only improve when we live outside ourselves - other-centric living - and factor in the impact our actions have on others.

It's simple really - the privilege to live your life your way comes with the responsibility to live it right so that others are benefited, not harmed.

Tuesday 16 February 2010

Parenting- A Simple Tip

Parenting is a tough job. Unfortunately we often have to balance parenting with a number of other tough jobs, like the one that pays the bills or that of maintaining our relationship with our partner, for example.

Finding enough time to spend with our children and to explore all those parenting things such as communication, encouraging achievements at home and school, boundary setting and teaching social skills is almost impossible. Yet there is one simple (not easy) way to achieve many of those goals at the one and same time.

Sharing one meal a day together for say 5 days per week around the dining room table. That would equal some 260 plus quality hours of parenting each year! Meals are a great time for people to share information and communicate, engage in that elusive eye contact necessary to reading the emotional moods of those you live and go to school with, raise interesting topics for discussion and allow questions to be asked and explored by all.

It may not sound like much but it’s a great way to begin, everybody has to eat, and if some simple ground rules are set at the beginning such as no talking with you mouth full, waiting for others to finish before you speak, no leaving the table until everyone is finished for example it could just be the start of an exciting adventure.

Research supports this simple approach and it is worth trying.

Sunday 14 February 2010

News Story

http://www.tweednews.com.au/story/2010/02/10/bless-me-father-now-a-biker-boy/

Go here for the latest story on RedShoes

Saturday 13 February 2010

The Spoilt Generation

Over the years, in speaking to parents I have always made teh comment that they are to remain parents and not friends of their children. The response is always mixed but the message is simply we are parents not siblings or peers. they do not need more friends, they have enough of those. They do no need parents, they are simply not enough of those to go around.

Today we hear much about the breakdown of society and children lack of respect for their parents and parental type figures such as teachers, police officers and any one older than themselves. We ask ourselves how that happens and how do we regain authority when authority is deemed a naughty word (often mistaken for authoritarian - a horse of a totally different colour.)

Today I rode the Harley on the main highway near where I live. As I always do I maintain the speed limit or less at all times. It is interesting to note that people of all ages simply drive over and above the speed limit, often with their children in the back seat, fully able to see the speedometer. It may seem a little thing, but it is the little things which are letting us down.

You see if we can justify ignoring authority in our car, what messages are we sending to our children? That authority is not to be respected, including our authority as their parents. If authority is irrelevant in one area of our lives it is probably so in others and if that is the message our children witness what hope have we of maintaining authority in our families life?

Yes, I know authority, boundaries, discipline and deprivation (and boredom) are unpopular concepts, and , yes, they are almost as unpopular as parents know best and parents have the final word. The truth is that until parents take seriously their position and role, set limits and show by their example that authority is to be valued, we will struggle to regain the balance and stability our children desperately need.

I am extremely conscious of this as in my role as a high profile (thanks to the local media!) chaplain to a school in a relatively small community, I am aware that everywhere I go someone is watching me - usually students - and they are quick to report to all who will listen what I have being doing or have done. So when I leave my house (I have 6 or more students living in my small street) I am on my best behaviour, and that's not a bad thing. It reminds me always that people learn from what I do not what i say and if I want them to be good citizens in every sense of that word, I need to be so my self. Sometimes I get it right, others I get it wrong, but always I aim to set the standard high for both myself and for them. I think that's part of our role as older people in our community.

An excellent easy to read book called 'The Spoilt Generation' by Aric Sigman explores these ideas and challenges us to take back from our children, society and those with vested interests our rights as parents and parental figures before it is too late. Perhaps it is too late.