Thursday 18 December 2008

Living in the Now

Two incidents this week have caused me to think deeply about how we live our lives. On Tuesday a good friend who I enjoyed many great times with passed away. Last night I received a phone call to tell me that my best friend's brother has been diagnosed with an aggressive cancer.

I don't know about you but moments like these do indeed force me to look ore closely at the kind of life I lead. Am I busy doing the things that are good while the things that are important simply receive no attention at all? Family, friends, stuff I value and enjoy, the things that make a difference are sacrificed for the immediate, the urgent, those things we think we need to do to remain valued and valuable in life.

While I understand the importance of work, income and satisfaction, is there not a small possibility that the value and time we place on these things is actually more than they deserve?

I watch people who have been financially wise for the future unable to enjoy life now, others strive for great success in work or sport and miss out on the good stuff which simply passes them by.

The interesting thing about both these (and other incidents) is that they were unexpected; they happened while we were busy planning for life. Life is to be lived now and can not be put off. This is not suggesting Hedonism but it is suggesting attending to now, and now to those things that matter. Not putting off until tomorrow the hugs, kisses, adventures, time out etc we can do now. Just do it now.

People do not remember you for what you were planning to do, but what you have done and are doing now.

Tuesday 16 December 2008

Men's Group, the movie

Went and saw the movie, ‘Men’s Group’ last night. What a great movie! A confronting, hard hitting realistic view of Aussie Blokes dealing with the stuff of life which bends them out of shape.

A confronting movie not for the faint hearted but rewarding and revealing. As you watch it you identify with the characters, recognising them in others and in bits of yourself.

At times harrowing, at times embarrassingly stereotypical and other times close to home it is, in the end, a hopeful movie. Hopeful for the characters in the movie as they discover that as you confront the pain in your life there is a way forward, not matter how difficult and faltering the path may seem.

It is hopeful of blokes in that it shows us how blokes deal with stuff and can support one another meaningfully and deeply without talking about sex and football. It looks at language and how we use it to cover up stuff, how we present our selves to the world, it deals with fathers, touch, image, relationships and shows that stuff like that impacts each of us regardless of age (the age of the actors extends from late 20’s to somewhere in the 70’s).

After the movie I rang home and said I would be a little late as I needed time to process some of the stuff. I stood next to the car at Rozelle and looked up, the moon was hidden by a black cloud and against the night sky only the faint glimmer of light said the moon was there. As the clouds moved the moon glowed larger and came into view, except because of the time in the moon’s cycle, it wasn’t perfectly round. It was bent out of shape, a little off kilter. Yet it shined brightly and lit up the night sky.

That, to me is the message of 'Men’s Group', the movie. No matter how blokes are bent out of shape there is hope that we can come out from the dark cloud of brokenness and shine.

For more click on link

Monday 15 December 2008

The People Who Walk Upside Down (with apologies to Diane Begant CSA and Joan D Chittister)

Isaiah 61:1-11
When Alice fell through the rabbit-hole into Wonderland, she was convinced that she had fallen right through the earth and was destined to come out where people would be upside down. She referred to such reversals as Antipathies—though she did wonder whether or not that was the right word.

Alice may not have chosen the correct word, but she was on target when it came to identifying the way we feel when our world is turned upside down. That is, of course, when the reversal that we experience resembles the collapse of the stock market, just as we have experienced over the last few months. We would be overcome by entirely different emotions if we had won the lottery. When she finally landed, Alice discovered that the world was not upside down, but it certainly was out of proportion to her size. She had to change, to get smaller in order to enter that mysterious world.

The Third Sunday of Advent invites us into a world of reversals, a world where the captives are freed, where the hungry are filled and where the rich are sent away empty. It is certainly a world where things are turned upside down. From the point of view of social order, such reversals could be considered Antipathies.

But from God's point of view, they are the signs of transformation. In order to appreciate the strength of today's message from Isaiah, we must remember that he was speaking to people who were dispossessed, people in need of a message of hope, a promise of some kind of economic reversal. Not unlike the message people are looking for today.

It is not that God wants to make us unhappy by turning our world upside down. Rather, God offers us the possibility of a new world. The Wonderland to which we are invited is not some mad tea party attended by an array of strange guests.

It is a world established in justice and peace, a world in which all will hear the glad tidings of salvation. It is a world in which everyone can enjoy the happiness of the bride and bridegroom or relish the fruits of the luxurious garden.

The dramatic metaphors that Isaiah employs are not meant simply to be poetic flights of fancy. They capture the essence of what we are experiencing internally far better than straightforward prose can. A wedding is certainly a sign of new and transformative life, just as a sumptuous garden typifies bountiful sustenance.

In order to enter the mysterious new world that lies before us, like Alice, we might have to undergo some kind of change. Paul in his letter to the Christians at Thessalonica is conscious of our need of transformation, for he prays that the God of peace will make us perfectly holy, blameless at the coming of the Lord.

In line with this thinking, the basis of the preaching of John the Baptist is repentance. His message today is the same as it was last week: Make straight the way of the Lord! Get rid of any obstacle that might deter his arrival. Eliminate from your lives the greed that impoverishes others, the arrogance that tries to set you above the rest, the power that makes you abusive, the selfishness that turns you in on your own concerns alone. Today we are all aware of the destructive evil that such attitudes have spawned. We suffer the consequences of their corrosive power. But our faith reminds us that we do not have to remain victims of these forces.

There is a far better way of living in the world, and on this Third Sunday of Advent we stand at its threshold. The question, however, is: Are we willing to step forward? Or are we afraid to have our world turned upside down? Are we the poor who will hear the good news of reversal, or are we the ones responsible for their poverty? Are we the broken-hearted who will be healed, or have we broken their hearts? Are we the captives who will be freed, or are we the captors who have restrained them? On what side of the reversals do we find ourselves?

Verdan Smailovic was a Bosnian. He had been born right in the heart of Sarajevo, the 4th of 5 in a highly musical family, he became a professional musician. At 37 he was the principal cellist of the prestigious Sarajevo Opera.

But this was the bleak and frightening period of 1992 when Bosnia flared into ethnic violence. The opera Theatre lay destroyed. There was no music.

Then, at 4 p.m. on May 27 1992 a long line of starving, helpless people were shelled as they waited in front of he only bakery in Sarajevo which had enough flour to make bread. Twenty to people died as Verdran Smailovic stood in his apartment building window a hundred yards away and watched it happen.

The next day, as hungry people lined up to beg for bread, certain they would die if they didn't come to the bakery again and well aware they could die if they did, Vedran Smailovic, dressed in the black suit and tie in which he played every night until the Opera Theatre was destroyed, arrived carrying his cello and chair.

Smailovic sat down in the square and, surrounded by debris played Albinoni's mournful "Adagio". And, whatever the continuing danger, he came back to the square every day after that for 21 days to do the same. Over and over again, the "Adagio" sounded the memory that there are some things in the human enterprise that simply cannot be suppressed.

Today in the place where he sat there is a monument of a man in a chair playing a cello. But the monument is not to Smailovic's music. It is to his refusal to surrender the hope that beauty could be reborn in the midst of hell, even in the midst of our own private hell, even in the midst of great reversals..[1]

Verdam Smailovics story doesn't end there. He played the "Adagio" throughout America, even at Bill Clinton's inauguration. He was celebrated in David Wilde's cello piece, 'the Cellist of Sarajevo' which Yo-Yo Ma played at the International Cellist Festival in 1994 with Smailovic in the audience. It seems that once released, no matter how difficult or traumatic the birth, hope does indeed soar.

Advent is a time to search our hearts, to discover where, both individually and as a community, we need to change. It is a time of hope, for we are told that there is one who has the power to heal our personal brokenness, to heal our fractured families, to heal our troubled church, to heal our bleeding world. Paul tells us that he is coming; John tells us that he is already in our midst. His presence among us should make us rejoice; the saving power that he brings should give us confidence. If we open our hearts to this saving power, we can indeed transform our society; we can renew our church, we can work toward peace in the world—we can turn our world upside down.



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[1] P108ff Joan D Chittister, 'Scarred by Struggle, Transformed by Hope', Wm. B. Erdmans

Thursday 11 December 2008

Boys Read If Dad Does

A study by Killian Mullan, a research associate at the Social Policy Research Centre at UNSW, shows in two-parent families the boys who read the most have fathers who also like to read a lot. And the girls who read the most have mothers who read. The definition of reading is 50 minutees a day and it must be visible to the children. It doesn't matter if it's the paper or books. Go here for more
http://www.smh.com.au/news/lifeandstyle/parenting/a-chip-off-the-old-book-boys-read-if-dad-does/2008/11/30/1227979844800.html



Children learn by what they see us do.

Here is the great power of example at work. If we want our boys (and children in general) to develop positive life skills then it behoves us to model these consistently and visibly to them.

The anti-drinking tv ad which shows the progress of a a family of male drinkers uses this concept in the negative. The first father is drinking with his mates around the BBQ and asks his son to get him a beer, the next frame is that son grown up doing the same, and it moves through several generations of one family and the behaviour continues.

Children learn by what we model for them.

It's a challeneg for us to stay the distance and help them develop good habits, because bad habits die slowly, if in fact they ever really do.

Monday 24 November 2008

Gerry Harvey Kicks Sacred Cows in the Sirloin

Gerry Harvey puts the cats amongst the pidgeons or, to put it another way, gives some sacred cows a hefty boot in the sirloin.

His comments on charity and the value of charity have elicted much comment .

It is not whether he said it or didn't say it, he has sparked debate about a topic most Australians feel strongly about but are not game to express their points of view on. In looking at the response, it is split between those who agree and those who don't. Some want to see assistance given only to those who make an effort (often undefined) and who see poverty as solely an individual problem. Others see poverty as a product of a faulty system and therefore see both the need for assistance and a restructure of the system (again undefined) as the most appropriate action.

It seems to me there is merits in both ideas but is there not something missng in this discussion? The discussion seems to be about an undefined 'them', an unknown some one who ceases to be real to us. There seems to be an uncrossable distance between us who, by inference are productive, effective and having a go, and those who are by the same inference not pulling their weight and are therefore dispensable.

Any attempt to give a human face to both arguments is at best anecdotal and often isolated personal experiences from people who have not lived the life of poverty they are attempting to describe.

The problem? Failure to see that each person in this story is just that, a person like us, made in the image of God who, at one time in their lives, had dreams, hopes and aspired to great things. Somewhere along the way life intervened and things changed. It is important to note only things changed; they are still the same as they were created, carrying the divine spark.

The challenge for all of us is to remember that we share that same divine spark with them and it is this which must underpin our dealings with them. We must see them as equals and requiring our compassion and support however that may be delivered to ensure that divine spark is nurtured. It may never flame into vibrant life, and ours may not either, but it must still be allowed oxygen to flicker in the winds of adversity and triumph that is life.

It's about hope not productivity, it is about life not success and it's about being so that we are challenged on, not just how we deal with their life but what we do with ours.

Gerry challenges us to think about how we see others and how we live in response to them and our own opportunities to make a difference.

How Jesus Judges Us - By What We See

In 1979 there was a riot in the maximum security wing of Bathurst gaol. On the heels of previous riots in the ‘70’s and in the midst of the Vinson prison reforms, Bathurst gaol erupted when staff went on strike. Prisoners destroyed their cells, threw burning mattresses out the windows and more. The walkway into the main entrance down between two cell blocks was a mass of smouldering mattresses, refuse and furniture. To walk down there was to invite vitriol and abuse every step of the way.

It was a walk I took twice daily for the duration of the lockdown. As a chaplain to the prison I had been visiting the place for almost 12 months. I knew the people in the wings. We had talked, shared coffee, worshipped together and played table tennis. Yet for this period I ceased to exist for them. Somehow I became a non-person, just a part of that system which they believed abused and oppressed them.

I was one of a handful of civilians allowed in and my task was to hand out the food at meal times, escorted by 6 or more riot squad police who opened the cell doors and were there to ensure things went smoothly. They didn’t. Consequently I witnessed violence I wished hadn’t occurred. The prisoners didn’t exist as human beings to these men who were, in their mind, simply doing their job.
There was little I could do to bring some sense of belonging and dignity but I did what I could. Smiled as I entered with the food and as I left, often with it all over me; placed my self strategically when I knew things were going badly so as to obstruct and mitigate the violence, and whisper encouragement and hope as I placed trays of food down.

I wanted them to know that, in the midst of this chaos they did exist for someone, that someone cared what was happening and that they were not alone. Sometimes my whispers were returned with a ‘Sorry, it’s not you’. After it was all over I continued to visit. I received lots of apologies from the inmates for their behaviour and had lots of discussions about what had happened to them. We talked about how easy it is too lose your dignity when others seem not recognise your existence, and how we all too easily slip into this blindness to others.

It is not that we purposefully oppress or mistreat others, sometimes we do, but more often it occurs when we perceive others as not being there at all. It is not that we do not see Jesus in them. We simply fail to not see them.

And this is the sense of Jesus words in this morning’s gospel;
34Then the king will say to those at his right hand, ‘Come, you that are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world; 35for I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, 36I was naked and you gave me clothing, I was sick and you took care of me, I was in prison and you visited me.’

It is not so much that we do or do not do something, but that we recognise something needs to be done. That we see.

The action in this passage follows the recognition of need, that something is wrong and needs to be addressed. The actions are not earth shattering or spectacular. They are simple and small. A glass of water, a meal, a piece of clothing. The actions are not mandated by others but an individual’s response to what he or she sees in front of them. It is not something which people seek out and for which you will receive an award, it is insignificant and often unnoticed.

It is an action that has its roots in the identification with the person in need. It is only when we connect to the humanity of the other are we compelled to act. While ever we can find excuses to not recognise them as human, then they do not exist and we do not need to act.

We watch as others challenge perceptions and injustice and nod our approval. We applaud the people who were instrumental in the big ticket moments and who are celebrated in our world, Wilberforce, Martin Luther king Jr., Ghandi and others

Yet how do we do everyday in the little stuff? We may not have the opportunity to be a part of the big ticket action but we are immersed in the ordinary stuff around us. How do we respond to the needs of others, do recognise the call to action or even accept the part we play in maintaining the injustice in our home, community and the world around us? How are we challenged to recognise all people as equals and as deserving of basic human dignity and our attention?

It is easy to look out and see the failure of others but harder to look at our actions and our presence as part of a system which alienates and ignores.

There is a story told about a poker playing English Lord who after losing a particular tense hand spoke badly to his partner. When his partner objected, he apologised by say, ‘Sorry, I forgot I wasn’t playing with my wife.’

How do we overcome this tendency to blindness, blindness of our implication in the sin of the world and our blindness in failing to see those suffering around us. It could be the neighbour next door who is alone and has no access to transport or support, it could be the disabled boy or girl who is ostracised from the playground; it could be the stereotypical response to the plight of an indigenous person, it could be the way we move away from a homeless person who hasn’t showered recently, it could be….. the many different things we do without seeing, the little things we do we are blind to.

Jesus reminds us in this passage that God doesn’t create second rate people. We are all made in his image and just as Jesus was the face of God in this world, so each individual the face of Jesus in this world. He says: ‘just as you did it (or did not do it) to one of the least of these who are members of my family, you did it to me.

William Loader says: ‘Jesus was not the exception to the life of God, but the rule.’ He is the rule by which will be judged. If we look and do not see what is plainly there then God will not see us. It is a daunting prospect, the challenge to be awake to the other in our lives, to others in our family, our community, our workplace and in our everyday interactions.

In the midst of the chaos that was Bathurst Goal the inmates and I were challenged to maintain our dignity and to recognise the dignity, not only in each other but in those deemed to be the villains in this story. In the years since I have learnt while we can often rise to confront a crisis, it is more difficult to do so in the mundane everyday. Jesus challenges us to see and to act with purpose and love in the now. We can only do so if we are mindful of entertaining Jesus in everyone we meet.

Thursday 20 November 2008

The Degustation Breakfast

Well, last Saturday's Blokes Breakfast was indeed an occaision to remember. The Cooks Warren and Ian excelled themselves with 6 enjoyable and wonderful taste sensations. Warren particularly has been spectacular this year and we thank him (and Ian) especially for his efforts.

The idea of the Degustation Breakfast was linked diretly to the feast put on by the Prodigal Sons Father when he returned. This concept of valuing through hospitality is one which is embedded in the Gospels and in Jesus' concept of the Kingdom of God.

It is significant that his first miracle was at a feast and his last meal was at a feast - the Passover meal. Jesus bookended his ministry with hospitality and so much more of his teaching revolves around sharing or breaking bread with one another, typified in the Eucharist we share each time we ccelebrate it.

Last Saturday saw 26 men of all ages come for breakfast and stay for almost 3 hours, sharing a meal together and talking. And not just talking but sharing in a very real way.

What started out some 5 months ago as a traditional men's breakfast has developed into a monthly event, looked for and celebrated by all who attend.

It will be exciting to see what God will do with this event and the Blokes who attend in 2009!

Thursday 13 November 2008

Sex & Violence - A Staple Diet for Our Kids

I am constantly amazed at the sexual messages contained in ads of all varieties and almost every television show you watch. Maybe I am more shocked because I am not a great tv watcher, but when I do I notice some disturbing trends. Shows like "Two Men & A Boy' (@ 7.30p.m.) is overtly sexual and portrays relationships between the sexes extremelly negatively, and as it has as one of the protagonists a 11 year old
boy projects all the wrong messages. This is to say nothing about the shows directed at girls.

RAND Research in the USA did a study of 718 teenagers 12 to 17 between 2001 and 2004 in relation to sex on tv and 1564 Japanese and Americans between 9 & 18 for the effects of violence, and deduced that 'exposure to some forms of entertainment is a corrupting influence, leading teenagers who watch sexy programs into early pregnancy and children who play violent video games to aadopt aggressive behaviour.' A full report can be found on www.news.com.au/dailytelegraph or at the Rand website http://www.rand.org/pubs/research_briefs/.

The challenge for us is to be discriminatory about what we watch and what we allow our children to watch. Sex and violence on tv and video games rarely identifies the consequences of such in real life. For a chilling reminder of the impact of violence see the story at this link http://www.theage.com.au/national/lifelong-effect-of-a-night-of-random-schoolies-violence-20081112-5o1c.html.

The challenge also asks us to speak realistically about the effects and impacts of such behaviour in such a way as to be real but over the top. If we become too graphic kids just switch off.

We are also challenged to model a life congruent with Biblical values, often a challenge we fail in the smaller things but if we are honest and open with our kids it will provide them with a benchmark for their own behaviour.

Tuesday 11 November 2008

Men's Group - The Movie

As discussed at the last Bloke's Breakfast we are organising an outing to see the movie 'Men's Group'.

Men’s group is the story of six very different men; Paul, Freddy, Cecil, Lucas, Moses and Alex . They meet once a week at Paul’s home to talk. When they begin they are complete strangers.

They soon discover that they have something in common, being male. As trust grows between them they gradually begin to share as they learn to listen to each other. They discover that they are not quite so alone in their fears as they had presumed.

It takes a tragedy for the men to finally understand that they must take responsibilities for their own lives and those of their loved ones.

It begins screening 13th so we can either go Saturday 15th in the afternoon or some time the next week, perhaps Wednesday 19th.

Think about it and we will arrange a time on Saturday at the big Degustation Breakfast.

Tuesday 14 October 2008

St Jude's Day Picnic

St Jude’s Day

Patronal Festival 26th October
Combined Service 10:30am
Bishop Robert Forsyth
Picnic in the Church Grounds
12 noon
Thai BBQ
Salads
Cake
Please leave your name on list in porch.
No Charge - Donation possible
Come and join the celebration!
Fun games and races for all ages

A Fathers Heart Breaks

The heart of a father is at the heart of the Prodigal Son story. Over the last few days we have watched the heart of a father break on television. Dale Lapthorne, the father of Britt Lapthorne, has touched each of our hearts as we identify with his anguish and loss at losing a cherished daughter.

In watching on, I thought about the concerns and fears I have experienced as a father of an adventurous and lively daughter, who went to a university away from her home town at a young age, who decided to go to Osaka Japan after finishing university to teach English and immersed herself in the social life of the ex-pats in that city, who has back-packed to various parts of the world, only to return home and enjoy a vibrant (my interpretation of adventurous) social life at home.

Many times I wondered whether she was safe, what dangers lurked out there and what I would do if something happened to her. Yet nothing can prepare us for that moment except our own love and trust that gives them permission to travel and be alive and who they are. To live in the moment.

Yet the anguish when something happens maliciously, as it seems to be the case here, is something we can not understand or imagine unless we experience it for ourselves. My heart goes out to Britt's family and hope that in the midst of this they remember her for who she was and the good times they enjoyed together.

The Father in the Prodigal Son story shares this anguish and knows the agony of watching people leave, of finding a strength to cope, all the time wondering if his son was safe.

The bigness of his heart is shown by the welcome home and the the way he took his son back in. There is no sign of repentance or saying sorry by the son exccept that he knew life would be better if he went back. The Father doesn't allow the prepared speech to be uttered. He places his arms around him and takes him home.

And it is here the hard work begins for both of them. Rembrandts painting of the Return of the Prodigal Son shows the clear differentiation of the hands of the Father, one is soft and caring and the other hard and calloused. The inference is that the journey to this point has required, and the way forward will require, a combination of caring and correction, of love and of disciplne, of hope and of trust.

The return home is not the end of the story, but in many ways only the beginning for both of them. The healing, forgiveness, rebuilding of trust and hope and the movement forward into a productive life is only just beginning and will require effort, patience and compassion.

Thursday 25 September 2008

The Unremarkable Son

AT the recent breakfast for Blokes we looked at the Middle SOn in the Prodigal SOn story. He was the responsible son identified by being:

Unremarkable - he was the responsible one who always did the right thing. he didn't do anything which brought him into the limelight. He simply was a good kid.

UnRewarded- He was not noticed so he wasn't remembered. It is true in life and in families that those who stand out and achieve success or notoriety gain our attention and our reward.

UnFinished - he still had more to do yet he felt that there was no point, no one was encouraging him so he simply stayed and kept on being responsible.

This situation is common and often within each of us is that same sense that we do what we do and no-one notices and no-one cares if we have dreams and hopes as yet unfinished.

The challengr for us who are parents and mentors is to notice all of of those in our care and to support and remember them. Sometimes it is easy to get lost in amongst all the other stuff and overlook all those who need our support.

For ourselves? It is important that we notice who we are and what we need and take positive steps to achieve a greater sense of our own value, to ourselves and to others.


Also Waren provided and excellent breakfast - something completely different to the norml men's breakfast!!! He remined us that men do not always value and spoil themselves and we ought to. On that theme the final breakfast in November will be a mini-degustation breakfast courtesy of him and Ian. More information later!

Next Month - Saturday 19th October

Monday 8 September 2008

Sleep Deprivation

Over the laast couple of days the newspapers have been full of stuff relevant to those of us with children (or grandchildren). First in the Saturday papers was an article that announced most children in Australia are sleep deprived and warned of the future problems. It squarely lays the blame on technology and the presence of that technology in childrens bedrooms. Mobile phones, computers, game consoles and more are temptations which prevent young people from doing what they should be doing - sleeping.

A man I knew put a computer screen above the cot in his daughters bedroom - perhaps a little too much! The article went on to say that all this stuff should be in the lounge or games room where everybody can enjoy and monitor it during normal recreational hours. An excellent solution which I would heavily endorse.

The other is ann excellent article on education by Tom Hawkes - well worth reading at the link below.
http://www.smh.com.au/news/national/ten-key-skills-schools-must-start-teaching/2008/09/08/1220725904072.html

Thursday 28 August 2008

Staying Allive to Live

Since I last posted I have spent a couple of days in hospital as a result of some heart (yes I do have one!) pain which I endured while buying Bibles at the Bible Society Bookshop. God does have a sense of humour!

Not to be deterred I reacted as a fairly typical male and walked back to my car in Clarence Street, drove back to Randwick, went up to my office and deposited the Bibles, sent my assignment off by email so I wouldn't be late, rang the doctor and walked the killometre to her surgery. It was she who organised the ambulance for the 200metres to POW!

What's wrong with this story?

Not to put too fine a point on it - blokes.

Laying in bed at Hotel POW I reflected on a number of issues which may, just may have brought me to this point. They include:
Working two jobs
Getting involved in very stressful negotiations on behalf of others
Taking on two subjects of study
Anxiety about maintaining my Deacons lecence after December 2008
Anxiety about family health issues
No exercise or time out
Carrying the load without sharing it.

Sound familiar anybody?

It's what we men are good at - matrydom in pursuit of the impossible - slaying dragons when the dragonss aren't causing any one any grief.

Put it bluntly men die because we simply overload and rarely unload, support others with little support for ourselves, fulfilling the expectations of others (who ever they are) and have no idea about what to expect of ourselves. We set our selves up for failure and when we de we often fail to reflect and restructure but fall back intothe default position which means we cycle back to the same place some time in the future, often sooner than later.

My mother always said I was a slow learner but in this case I keep hearing Jesus words in John 5 to the man healed at the Sheep Gate, "See, you have been made well! Do not sin any more, so that nothing worse happens to you.”

Diligence and consientious effort is not a sin, but to overwork, over commit and to ignore your wellbeing and subsequently the wellbeing of others around you simply because you let it happen, is. It is a sin not to love yourself so that you can love others, not to say no when to say yes fails to fulfil the essence of the Two Great Commandments. And it is a sin we (in this case me) are called to identify and eradicate.

It is not a sin to have limits, to spend time with your family, friends, playing sport and just vegeing out no matter how much the world screams for you to save it from its self.

I guess this is a personal blog but it is also for all those who have ears to hear.

Monday 18 August 2008

The Wildman Leaves - Prodigal Son

“Small boys become big men through the influence of big men who care about small boys.”
“Don’t wait to make your son a great man —make him a great boy”


The story of the Prodigal Son (Luke 15:11-32) explores the journey to manhood through the lives of three men at different stages in their journey:

THE YOUNGEST SON—the Wildman seeking to push boundaries and find his place in the world.
Testing Boundaries.
Establishing place in the world.
Conflict with father.
Separating from mother
Black & White world views.
Self focussed.
Wants it All, Now!

IT’S ALL ABOUT STEPPING OUT!!!

WHAT’S THE CHALLENGE FOR US:
In how we respond to our children’s journey.
In reflecting on and be honest about our own journey.
In responding to the high risk behaviour of young men.

Monday 11 August 2008

How To Survive Life (and a Plane Crash).

Saturday’s paper (http://www.news.com.au/dailytelegraph/story/0,,23460386-5013414,00.html) had an article which asserted that almost all plane crashes are survivable. And those who survive most plane crashes come from a military or emergency background. How does this happen? The theory as that if you believe you can survive you most likely will.

Those who survive are most likely those:
• who read the emergency card in the seat pocket in front,
• identify the exits,
• work out how to get they,
• know who they are sitting next to and
• have a plan of action in case of an emergency.

They have planned to survive and believe they can.

It is always interesting to me when I take young men on adventure outings such as indoor rock-climbing how quickly after we gear up they look up at the wall and say ‘I can’t. Surprise, surprise; they rarely do.

There are others who you know are scared stiff but don’t voice it and tackle the wall. Mostly they do, usually they make a valiant effort and come back down ready to capitalise on their success.

How do we prepare our children to say I can instead of I can’t? How do we get them to overcome fears and fatalistic thinking and conquer the challenges life throws at them?

Notice the people who survive are not risk-takers? They are people who are risk adverse.
• They plan to survive,
• They scope out the challenges in front of then,
• They identify strategies they can use and
• They believe that if they follow these plans they will come out on top.
• They are resilient and resourceful, confident but not foolhardy and hopeful but not unrealistic.

These are the strategies we need to model and to instil in our kids. If adolescence is a lengthening process (see previous blog) the probability is more and more young people will believe they can’t, and instead of being resilient, they will be foolhardy risk-takers because they haven’t been taught, by word or action, how to survive.

Saturday 9 August 2008

Review "And When Did You Last See Your Father?"

What an interesting movie! First reaction when it finished was to find something lighter to laugh about! This was no light and easy movie but neither was it tragic and overbearing. It explored the relationships within a family from the memory of a son disillusioned and estranged from his father. Jim Broadbent, as the father, gives a compelling portrayal of a man out of his depth in relationships yet so self possessed that he compensates by denying the reality and living in the happines of self-delusion. Colin Firth is Blake,the adult son who has never come to grips with his perception of his father and finds himself repeating the mistakes he so condemns. Matthew Beard, who plays the teenage Blake, is excellent and mixes teenage angst with disappointment superbly as he struggles to deal with his extrovert father.

An excellent movie - not a comfortable one - but one every male should see.

The movie title refers to the need to see your father as he his not as you would like him to be.

Friday 8 August 2008

Prolonged Adolescence

Noticed in Tuesdays tele (http://www.news.com.au/dailytelegraph/story/0,,24134638-5001021,00.html) insurance companies have increased the age for higher premiums for young drivers from 25 - 30, ostensibly because of higher risks.At a recent seminar a child psychologist said research suggested adolescence now begins at 9 not the traditional 12/13.So, if this is the case, then the normal adolescence behaviour patterns, wants and mores are with us not 10/12 years but some 21 years.

This fits with the growth of young people staying home until their mid-thirties or longer.

The result? We see the erosion of child hood, the beginning of at risk behaviour and expectations in the early teens not late teens, this at risk behaviour escalates and is maintained longer,and the normal transition to adult responsibilities and expectations such as marriage, children, home ownership and community involvement is delayed.

Implications for us as Dads, parents and role models is that we need to confident in our own values and place in the world, that we need to clearly define our expectations that children and young teens are still that and that there is a transition into adulthood by clearly defined signposts and expectations. We have to act as the adult parent during their teens and as the same adult parents when its time (early 20's at the latest)to move up and become an adult themselves.

What do you think?

Monday 4 August 2008

Indoor Rock Climbing

A great opportunity to get together with your children and enjoy an afternoon out.

Indoor Rocks climbing is a sport that relies on partnership, support and teamwork and we are going rock climbing this Sunday 10th August.

Meet at the church @ 1.30p.m. and back by 4p.m.

Would be good to see you all there.

Movie Night Friday 8th @ 6p.m. @ The Ritz

As previously blogged have arranged the movie night to see "When Was the last Time You Saw Your Father?" for this Friday night at the randwick Ritz. We meet at 6p.m. and depnding upon when the movie screens have a meal before or after screening. I know it's the opening ceremony of the olympic games but with that and the rugby mad blokes its almost impossible to pick a suitable night.

Let me know by email if you are coming.

Monday 28 July 2008

"When Did You Last See Your Father?"

"When Did You Last See Your Father?" is a movie recommended by David off the Movie Show as essential viewing for men. The relationship with our father is a formative one and often when we have the most difficulty resolving throughout our life's journey. For us to move on with our lives and to become fathers our selves it is important to reflect on our own experiences.

SUGGESTION: That we get together one Friday or Saturday night after it opens (31 July) and go as a group, having something to eat and drink after or before it. What do you think.

If you are interested let me know here or on my email dellmar@optusnet.com.au.

For more information on the movie go to http://www.apple.com/trailers/sony/whendidyoulastseeyourfather/trailer/

Tuesday 22 July 2008

Fair Go For Dads' AT Work

Interested to read in today's (22/7) Telegraph www.news.com.au/dailytelegraph/story/0,22049,24055799-5005941,00.html) that the Sex Discrimination Commissioner has stated she is interested in prosecuting companies who discriminate against Dad's who want to be Dad's and spend more time with their children. She is to be applauded but in a work culture dominated by casual workers and self employed contractors it will take additional effort on behalf of all men to change their mindset, to move from being the breadwinner to co-parent and to look at just what else must change (what we buy, what we own, how we pay for things and more) before a real change will be seen.

It is a case of putting first things first (www.stephencovey.com), listening to our children and what they are saying they really need (www.williampollack.com) or just reminding ourselves what it means to be a kid (www.stevebiddulph.com).

What do you think of the idea?
What needs to happen for you to spend the time you would really like to spend with you family?
What do you think the family would think if you were thee more?

Saturday 19 July 2008

Blokes Breakfast at St Judes

Well we had our first Blokes Breakfast at St Judes – well attended and a great breakfast. Some 20 Blokes attended and a great time was had by all. The topic was introduced as per last nights blog and was well accepted.

We are looking at this being a forum for men’s issues, an opportunity for fathers and young men to join and discover new ideas and ways forward and to set up weekends away, seminars and self-help programs for one another.

The next breakfast is Saturday 16th. All welcome

Kevin Rudd Does Taize

World Youth day is nearing the end and yesterday we went to St James church for the final Taize service. This was the Adoration of the Cross, the normal Friday night prayer at the Taize community in France.

The surprise? Sitting a few seats in front of us in a crowded church, standing room only, was the Prime Minister Kevin Rudd and his family. They were in many ways anonymous in a great crowd of pilgrims and seemingly as intent on the time together as we all were.

For me it was a moment to remember for a number of reasons:
Despite the cynics who see WYD as a distraction from the bigger issues such as Climate Change it is encouraging to see the leader of our country taking time out with his family to do family things. Anyway, sometimes we need the time out from the big issues in our lives to get the perspective we need to find the appropriate ways to move forward. Simply immersing yourself in the problem at hand narrows the focus and the vision, resulting in rushed and inept responses being made.

On that note, it was great to see him there with, as I undestood it, at least one of his boys helping them to experience a type of spirituality not usually experienced in Australia. If this was the case, in a time when this country has a dearth of effective fathering, especially fathering of sons, any image of our leaders making an effort to be there is a helpful one and needs to be encouraged. I hope it was great for his family as well.

I expect he understood the significance of Taize as the home of the European prayer for peace. It has often by noted that the involvement of young people in the Taize experience has added to the work for peace in Europe especially after WWII. As a leader of our country it is imperative that we have a leader of peace, peaceful solutions to local and global issues, a voice that speaks and prays for peace is a voice we need to hear in these turbulent days.

And by the way, the Taize session was excellent.

Friday 18 July 2008

Journey to Manhood

“I just don’t want to become a man, at least not the kind of man I have far too often seen.’
-Gordon, 18 “Real Boys’ Voices, William Pollack, Ph.D

The story of the Prodigal Son (Luke 15:11-32) explores the journey to manhood through the lives of three men at different stages in their journey:
The Youngest Son—the Wildman seeking to push boundaries and find his place in the world.

The Eldest Son— the Responsible man who does all the right things although fearing it may not be enough.

The Father - a man who embarks on the journey with both his very different sons only to discover he is being called to be a Grand Father, expansive, giving and accepting, beyond anything he thought possible.

Time to Think:
What is the challenge for us?
Where are we in our journey?
How do we reflect on our experiences to be able to help our sons, ours and all young men we meet, in such a way we walk them into being the man they desire to be?

Question to a successful man seen in a weekend paper:
What are you most afraid of: “Being found out.”

Men's Stuff

Over a long period of time I have become very interested in the matters of men - what affects, how they find their way from boys to men and what it means to be make in our society. Most of us blokes end up as men but we are often not sure where that is and what it really looks like.
Over the next few months I intend to explore the journeys men take and what it means to be a man both on this blog and through monthly Blokes Breakfasts at St Jude's Randwick (that's in Australia). Due to my background this is both a spiritual and a natural task, looking at men from an wholistic viewpoint.
It also comes with a personal rider, I am doing this for myself and all the men like me who seemed to miss out on the necessary direction from our own fathers and the men in our society as we grew up. This is about finding ways to be men and fathers in such a way that future generations do not have to struggle so hard to make sense of it all.
We begin tomorrow Saturday 18th @ 8.30a.m. Come on along (106 Avoca St randwick) or simply post to my blog - I want to hear your stories and ideas, experiences and hourneys - becuase the power of story can never be underestimated.