Tuesday 20 September 2011

Everyone Gets an A!

• Ben Zander and Everyone gets an A
Ben Zander: So I give everybody an A in the class. Everybody gets an A.
Ros Zander: Ben and I have a practice called, “Giving everyone an A” It started because Ben has a graduate class at the New England Conservatory and he had a lot of very anxious people in this class. And Ben said, “I don’t know how to get by it. So I said, “The only way to do that is to give them all an A, from the beginning of the year.” So what we developed was that every student got an A and had to write a letter, dated the following May, saying,
“Dear Mr. Zander,
I got my A because…”
So then these beautiful letters emerged. Just saying that, the person that was sort of hidden inside there, the person who the student would be, if there were no barriers, no fears, no little voices in the head, telling them what they couldn’t do.

Giving the A is a completely different paradigm. It is the paradigm of possibility. And we say that the A is a possibility to live into, not a standard to live up to.

• The story – Everyone gets and A. Matthew 20: 1-6
i) What happens in the marketplace?

• The Paradigm of Possibility
i) God is maddeningly generous. He gives everyone the same possibilities and the same the same reward – his unfailing love and mercy.

ii) His justice is mind-boggling. Even late starters can be winners because God's Rule isn't competitive. Everyone who genuinely wants to comes first!

iii) Under God's Rule, it's always Now. Matthew Fox quotes Meister Eckhart as saying, "God is always the newest thing there is".

• In Conclusion
o Ben Zanders idea is not new – it is as old as God’s interaction with his creation – the Biblical story is all about living into the possibility – from Genesis to Revelations that is the distilled message of God. God has always given us an A (original blessing) – it is we who mark ourselves down and then live as if we deserve an F (original sin).

o Go home today and write a letter to God which starts
• Dear God
I got an A because…. And list all the reasons why and what that might look like for you.

o And you may very well begin the journey of living into the possibilities God has for you, now.

Monday 19 September 2011

Staring Down Facebook!

One of the most challenging tasks human beings face is to define their identity – who they are and how they fit into the world. While we adults may be comfortable with who we are, our young people face a more difficult task than the one we faced at their age.

Why?

Social media in all its forms from Facebook to Twitter has changed the game. Growing up in the ‘60’s and finding out whom we were and where we fitted involved defining ourselves in, at the most 2 places, home and school. We may have had one identity at home and one at school but those identities were relatively stable and secure. We were who we were and we had no need to change except if we moved town or school.

Today, our children face a much more difficult task courtesy of social media. Not only do they have to define themselves in the home or in their school but also they are under constant pressure to define and redefine themselves each time they log on. Once they place themselves on platforms such as Facebook, they discover that they have to constantly reinvent themselves in response to the comments they find on their wall. If they are going to stay relevant and have any chance of being apart of the ‘in-crowd’, they need to respond to what people say, be it positive or negative comment.

The result of this constant need to reassess and reinvent themselves is that they become fragmented and disconnected from who they are. The more often they have to do this, the more fragmented their understanding of themselves becomes. In the end they simply do not know who they are which can have a major impact on their lives.

Unfortunately Facebook does not regulate what is posted on its pages. The only people who can assist your young people and protect them are you, their parents. It is important that access to social networking platforms are restricted and monitored, that the use of smart-phones and media players such as iPod are similarly monitored and restricted.

The issues that need to be addressed include:
•Does my child need a smart-phone or would an ordinary phone suffice?
•If a smart-phone is provided, you can restrict access through the various settings on the phone before handing it over.
•Set an administrators code on both phones and computers before handing it over so that you can access data as required.
•Restrict the phone/internet plan attached to that phone.
•Ensure that no child under 13 is on Facebook (you may not be aware but it is illegal for under 13s to be on Facebook).
•Limit use of Facebook by setting time limits and restricting the computers on which it can be accessed.
•Have all computers in a place where they can be visibly monitored.
•Restrict use of computers in bedrooms to homework only or for a limited period but not directly before bedtime.
•Have a space where all electronic tools are deposited in a common area prior to bedtime, i.e. no phones or computers in bedrooms after bedtime and this includes adults as well as children.

The above suggestions are not designed to make you popular but to keep your children safe. My experience in other places, and at school, tells me that our children are at risk despite the ongoing education and information they receive on the dangers of social media. They need us to take a stand on their behalf and the task is not an easy one, but one we need to tackle head on.

If you would like to comment on this or ask further questions, you can do so by going on to Father Glenn’s blog on the schools homepage and posting a comment, in which I will respond. Monty will also be raising the issue on his Facebook page in the coming weeks: www.facebook.com/montythespoodle.

Sunday 11 September 2011

The Gospel of Nice

I often quake when I hear couples say that they have never had a cross word with each other in all the years of marriage and wonder how can that be? Is that the norm or is some one being dishonest – not in saying they have never had a cross word but in allowing such a situation to continue? If two fully independent and actualized individuals live together, surely, at some point, there has to be a point of disagreement – and I would suggest more that one such point. If so and no disagreement ensues than someone is being dishonest – being nice – to avoid conflict – sacrificing themselves so that the status quo is maintained. Some one isn’t saying no, that’s not how I see it and I will disagree and seek resolution.

I have the same feelings when someone recommends a church because ‘everybody there is nice’; or when I see people avoiding putting the hard questions to others in their care because it wouldn’t be nice. Political correctness in all it forms is the gospel of niceness in extremis. Challenging and correcting people may require tact, but it can never be nice.

The Gospel of niceness has taken over in our world. We are often too nice to say no, to question others opinions, to critique others decisions or to point out the obvious. We let people get away with stuff that is blatantly incorrect or wrong headed, immoral or illegal, ill mannered or self-centered – we make excuses by being nice about it.

Christians are susceptible to this Gospel of Niceness. Why:
• Because of cultural pressure. “That’s not vey Christian”.
• Because of misinformation about what it means to be a Christian. “Christians must be nice”.
• Because of a misunderstanding of the concept of love. “Love is doing the nice thing”.

Matthew has Jesus challenges us directly and gives us permission to be honest, open and confronting - to not be nice but to love.

This is the gospel of love, not nice – a gospel that does not avoid the hard questions and is not afraid to confront others (and ourselves) with the reality of our actions, behaviors, thinking and relationships.

Right relationships are built on love not niceness.
• Its about honesty and openness – able to say I see it differently, I trust our relationship enough to be able to say so.
• It’s about challenge and change – change is the normal paradigm for life and challenge is the driver of change.
• Its about the common good, not the individuals lights – it is not about me!

Love is the centre of Jesus’ ethic:

Luke 10:27:
He answered: "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind'; and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'"

Paul reminds us of the quality of that love:

1 Corinthians 13:

4 Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant 5or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. 7It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
8 Love never ends.

In our western interpretation we have taken the hard edge off these two counter-cultural statements – we use 1 Cor 13 at weddings without understanding the harshness of this passage. In the time and place where they were written they were counter-cultural – calling for an entirely different way of living – a challenging ethic for the individual and community. People were being called to live differently and they were to be challenged by others if their lives did not live up to the Christian ethic. They were called to live differently to those in the secular society in which they lived, not to be conformed to the world, as Paul says in Romans 12:2 but to be transformed by the renewing of the mind.

Love was the ethic and the measure by which this was to be evidenced and evoked in the lives of the community. It was not about being nice. Niceness allows evil to flourish, bad decisions to be made and genocide to occur. Nice people say nothing; evil people do what they like.

Matthew has Jesus set the boundaries for community and the requirement to admonish, restrict, set boundaries and consequences. This not only sensible to the right conduct of society but also important in parenting, education, mentoring and spiritual direction. Jesus reminds us that life is not a free for all – it is first and foremost about relationships and the common good. It is not about nicely ignoring those things people do or say which impinge on that.

Jesus knew that the nice people would get him and put him on the cross – that what he was saying was not nice – it would upset the ruling powers and authorities and at some point he would be crucified. He had seen the crosses on the roads into town with the bodies of those who opposed those in power as a child – he knew what would happen if he was not nice – sanitized – acceptable and appropriate.

He goes to the cross not because he was nice, but because he loved. Because he said what had to be said and called for people to be counter-cultural – to stand up and to say this is not right.

As we come to the Eucharist today, let us remember the challenge to love, to live in the spirit of love and realize that that will cause us to be crucified alongside Jesus. That’s ok, because as Jesus said to the robber on the cross next time, ‘This day you will be with me’. Amen