On Tuesday evening I went to hear Celia Lashlie, author of 'He'll Be Ok: Growing Gorgeous Boys Into Good Men' speak. I had read the book and wanted to hear her in person as I wondered how she would speak the truths regarding mums she rights about publicly. Would she revert to a politically correct position or would she really say out loud what she says in her book?
What a speaker and what honesty. I wonder if I spoke the same way to a room full predominantly of mothers would I have been listened to or lynched? I fear the second. She spoke about the role mothers play in the lives of their boys, the need to understand the communication differences between men an women and particularly teen boys, teen boys pragmatism (only doing what affects them personally), the physiological changes and their impacts and the modeling of relationships between fathers and mothers.
She talked about the need for mothers to step back out of the lives of their boys and fathers to step up, the importance of being a parent and not a friend and that much later in life they will be your friend but now you are a parent, about not doing for them what they can do for themselves and so much more.
She also highlighted the traits we men bring to the relationship with our wives which are similarly to the behaviour of our boys and how that infuriates our wives but also the way women communicate infuriates us the way it does our children.
There was a lot of laughter but laughter sourced in the identification with the story, with the way we are and the way we experience life within our family. If you haven't read the book read it or purchase the cd of her talk off her website http://www.celialashlie.co.nz/live.html. I will have copies of the CD available next month.
And if you ever hear she is speaking in Sydney or wherever you are, do yourself a favour go and see her. You won't regret it.
Showing posts with label Men's work. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Men's work. Show all posts
Thursday, 17 September 2009
Wednesday, 14 January 2009
Thursday, 20 November 2008
The Degustation Breakfast
Well, last Saturday's Blokes Breakfast was indeed an occaision to remember. The Cooks Warren and Ian excelled themselves with 6 enjoyable and wonderful taste sensations. Warren particularly has been spectacular this year and we thank him (and Ian) especially for his efforts.
The idea of the Degustation Breakfast was linked diretly to the feast put on by the Prodigal Sons Father when he returned. This concept of valuing through hospitality is one which is embedded in the Gospels and in Jesus' concept of the Kingdom of God.
It is significant that his first miracle was at a feast and his last meal was at a feast - the Passover meal. Jesus bookended his ministry with hospitality and so much more of his teaching revolves around sharing or breaking bread with one another, typified in the Eucharist we share each time we ccelebrate it.
Last Saturday saw 26 men of all ages come for breakfast and stay for almost 3 hours, sharing a meal together and talking. And not just talking but sharing in a very real way.
What started out some 5 months ago as a traditional men's breakfast has developed into a monthly event, looked for and celebrated by all who attend.
It will be exciting to see what God will do with this event and the Blokes who attend in 2009!
The idea of the Degustation Breakfast was linked diretly to the feast put on by the Prodigal Sons Father when he returned. This concept of valuing through hospitality is one which is embedded in the Gospels and in Jesus' concept of the Kingdom of God.
It is significant that his first miracle was at a feast and his last meal was at a feast - the Passover meal. Jesus bookended his ministry with hospitality and so much more of his teaching revolves around sharing or breaking bread with one another, typified in the Eucharist we share each time we ccelebrate it.
Last Saturday saw 26 men of all ages come for breakfast and stay for almost 3 hours, sharing a meal together and talking. And not just talking but sharing in a very real way.
What started out some 5 months ago as a traditional men's breakfast has developed into a monthly event, looked for and celebrated by all who attend.
It will be exciting to see what God will do with this event and the Blokes who attend in 2009!
Tuesday, 11 November 2008
Men's Group - The Movie
As discussed at the last Bloke's Breakfast we are organising an outing to see the movie 'Men's Group'.
Men’s group is the story of six very different men; Paul, Freddy, Cecil, Lucas, Moses and Alex . They meet once a week at Paul’s home to talk. When they begin they are complete strangers.
They soon discover that they have something in common, being male. As trust grows between them they gradually begin to share as they learn to listen to each other. They discover that they are not quite so alone in their fears as they had presumed.
It takes a tragedy for the men to finally understand that they must take responsibilities for their own lives and those of their loved ones.
It begins screening 13th so we can either go Saturday 15th in the afternoon or some time the next week, perhaps Wednesday 19th.
Think about it and we will arrange a time on Saturday at the big Degustation Breakfast.
Men’s group is the story of six very different men; Paul, Freddy, Cecil, Lucas, Moses and Alex . They meet once a week at Paul’s home to talk. When they begin they are complete strangers.
They soon discover that they have something in common, being male. As trust grows between them they gradually begin to share as they learn to listen to each other. They discover that they are not quite so alone in their fears as they had presumed.
It takes a tragedy for the men to finally understand that they must take responsibilities for their own lives and those of their loved ones.
It begins screening 13th so we can either go Saturday 15th in the afternoon or some time the next week, perhaps Wednesday 19th.
Think about it and we will arrange a time on Saturday at the big Degustation Breakfast.
Tuesday, 14 October 2008
A Fathers Heart Breaks
The heart of a father is at the heart of the Prodigal Son story. Over the last few days we have watched the heart of a father break on television. Dale Lapthorne, the father of Britt Lapthorne, has touched each of our hearts as we identify with his anguish and loss at losing a cherished daughter.
In watching on, I thought about the concerns and fears I have experienced as a father of an adventurous and lively daughter, who went to a university away from her home town at a young age, who decided to go to Osaka Japan after finishing university to teach English and immersed herself in the social life of the ex-pats in that city, who has back-packed to various parts of the world, only to return home and enjoy a vibrant (my interpretation of adventurous) social life at home.
Many times I wondered whether she was safe, what dangers lurked out there and what I would do if something happened to her. Yet nothing can prepare us for that moment except our own love and trust that gives them permission to travel and be alive and who they are. To live in the moment.
Yet the anguish when something happens maliciously, as it seems to be the case here, is something we can not understand or imagine unless we experience it for ourselves. My heart goes out to Britt's family and hope that in the midst of this they remember her for who she was and the good times they enjoyed together.
The Father in the Prodigal Son story shares this anguish and knows the agony of watching people leave, of finding a strength to cope, all the time wondering if his son was safe.
The bigness of his heart is shown by the welcome home and the the way he took his son back in. There is no sign of repentance or saying sorry by the son exccept that he knew life would be better if he went back. The Father doesn't allow the prepared speech to be uttered. He places his arms around him and takes him home.
And it is here the hard work begins for both of them. Rembrandts painting of the Return of the Prodigal Son shows the clear differentiation of the hands of the Father, one is soft and caring and the other hard and calloused. The inference is that the journey to this point has required, and the way forward will require, a combination of caring and correction, of love and of disciplne, of hope and of trust.
The return home is not the end of the story, but in many ways only the beginning for both of them. The healing, forgiveness, rebuilding of trust and hope and the movement forward into a productive life is only just beginning and will require effort, patience and compassion.
In watching on, I thought about the concerns and fears I have experienced as a father of an adventurous and lively daughter, who went to a university away from her home town at a young age, who decided to go to Osaka Japan after finishing university to teach English and immersed herself in the social life of the ex-pats in that city, who has back-packed to various parts of the world, only to return home and enjoy a vibrant (my interpretation of adventurous) social life at home.
Many times I wondered whether she was safe, what dangers lurked out there and what I would do if something happened to her. Yet nothing can prepare us for that moment except our own love and trust that gives them permission to travel and be alive and who they are. To live in the moment.
Yet the anguish when something happens maliciously, as it seems to be the case here, is something we can not understand or imagine unless we experience it for ourselves. My heart goes out to Britt's family and hope that in the midst of this they remember her for who she was and the good times they enjoyed together.
The Father in the Prodigal Son story shares this anguish and knows the agony of watching people leave, of finding a strength to cope, all the time wondering if his son was safe.
The bigness of his heart is shown by the welcome home and the the way he took his son back in. There is no sign of repentance or saying sorry by the son exccept that he knew life would be better if he went back. The Father doesn't allow the prepared speech to be uttered. He places his arms around him and takes him home.
And it is here the hard work begins for both of them. Rembrandts painting of the Return of the Prodigal Son shows the clear differentiation of the hands of the Father, one is soft and caring and the other hard and calloused. The inference is that the journey to this point has required, and the way forward will require, a combination of caring and correction, of love and of disciplne, of hope and of trust.
The return home is not the end of the story, but in many ways only the beginning for both of them. The healing, forgiveness, rebuilding of trust and hope and the movement forward into a productive life is only just beginning and will require effort, patience and compassion.
Monday, 8 September 2008
Sleep Deprivation
Over the laast couple of days the newspapers have been full of stuff relevant to those of us with children (or grandchildren). First in the Saturday papers was an article that announced most children in Australia are sleep deprived and warned of the future problems. It squarely lays the blame on technology and the presence of that technology in childrens bedrooms. Mobile phones, computers, game consoles and more are temptations which prevent young people from doing what they should be doing - sleeping.
A man I knew put a computer screen above the cot in his daughters bedroom - perhaps a little too much! The article went on to say that all this stuff should be in the lounge or games room where everybody can enjoy and monitor it during normal recreational hours. An excellent solution which I would heavily endorse.
The other is ann excellent article on education by Tom Hawkes - well worth reading at the link below.
http://www.smh.com.au/news/national/ten-key-skills-schools-must-start-teaching/2008/09/08/1220725904072.html
A man I knew put a computer screen above the cot in his daughters bedroom - perhaps a little too much! The article went on to say that all this stuff should be in the lounge or games room where everybody can enjoy and monitor it during normal recreational hours. An excellent solution which I would heavily endorse.
The other is ann excellent article on education by Tom Hawkes - well worth reading at the link below.
http://www.smh.com.au/news/national/ten-key-skills-schools-must-start-teaching/2008/09/08/1220725904072.html
Thursday, 28 August 2008
Staying Allive to Live
Since I last posted I have spent a couple of days in hospital as a result of some heart (yes I do have one!) pain which I endured while buying Bibles at the Bible Society Bookshop. God does have a sense of humour!
Not to be deterred I reacted as a fairly typical male and walked back to my car in Clarence Street, drove back to Randwick, went up to my office and deposited the Bibles, sent my assignment off by email so I wouldn't be late, rang the doctor and walked the killometre to her surgery. It was she who organised the ambulance for the 200metres to POW!
What's wrong with this story?
Not to put too fine a point on it - blokes.
Laying in bed at Hotel POW I reflected on a number of issues which may, just may have brought me to this point. They include:
Working two jobs
Getting involved in very stressful negotiations on behalf of others
Taking on two subjects of study
Anxiety about maintaining my Deacons lecence after December 2008
Anxiety about family health issues
No exercise or time out
Carrying the load without sharing it.
Sound familiar anybody?
It's what we men are good at - matrydom in pursuit of the impossible - slaying dragons when the dragonss aren't causing any one any grief.
Put it bluntly men die because we simply overload and rarely unload, support others with little support for ourselves, fulfilling the expectations of others (who ever they are) and have no idea about what to expect of ourselves. We set our selves up for failure and when we de we often fail to reflect and restructure but fall back intothe default position which means we cycle back to the same place some time in the future, often sooner than later.
My mother always said I was a slow learner but in this case I keep hearing Jesus words in John 5 to the man healed at the Sheep Gate, "See, you have been made well! Do not sin any more, so that nothing worse happens to you.”
Diligence and consientious effort is not a sin, but to overwork, over commit and to ignore your wellbeing and subsequently the wellbeing of others around you simply because you let it happen, is. It is a sin not to love yourself so that you can love others, not to say no when to say yes fails to fulfil the essence of the Two Great Commandments. And it is a sin we (in this case me) are called to identify and eradicate.
It is not a sin to have limits, to spend time with your family, friends, playing sport and just vegeing out no matter how much the world screams for you to save it from its self.
I guess this is a personal blog but it is also for all those who have ears to hear.
Not to be deterred I reacted as a fairly typical male and walked back to my car in Clarence Street, drove back to Randwick, went up to my office and deposited the Bibles, sent my assignment off by email so I wouldn't be late, rang the doctor and walked the killometre to her surgery. It was she who organised the ambulance for the 200metres to POW!
What's wrong with this story?
Not to put too fine a point on it - blokes.
Laying in bed at Hotel POW I reflected on a number of issues which may, just may have brought me to this point. They include:
Working two jobs
Getting involved in very stressful negotiations on behalf of others
Taking on two subjects of study
Anxiety about maintaining my Deacons lecence after December 2008
Anxiety about family health issues
No exercise or time out
Carrying the load without sharing it.
Sound familiar anybody?
It's what we men are good at - matrydom in pursuit of the impossible - slaying dragons when the dragonss aren't causing any one any grief.
Put it bluntly men die because we simply overload and rarely unload, support others with little support for ourselves, fulfilling the expectations of others (who ever they are) and have no idea about what to expect of ourselves. We set our selves up for failure and when we de we often fail to reflect and restructure but fall back intothe default position which means we cycle back to the same place some time in the future, often sooner than later.
My mother always said I was a slow learner but in this case I keep hearing Jesus words in John 5 to the man healed at the Sheep Gate, "See, you have been made well! Do not sin any more, so that nothing worse happens to you.”
Diligence and consientious effort is not a sin, but to overwork, over commit and to ignore your wellbeing and subsequently the wellbeing of others around you simply because you let it happen, is. It is a sin not to love yourself so that you can love others, not to say no when to say yes fails to fulfil the essence of the Two Great Commandments. And it is a sin we (in this case me) are called to identify and eradicate.
It is not a sin to have limits, to spend time with your family, friends, playing sport and just vegeing out no matter how much the world screams for you to save it from its self.
I guess this is a personal blog but it is also for all those who have ears to hear.
Friday, 8 August 2008
Prolonged Adolescence
Noticed in Tuesdays tele (http://www.news.com.au/dailytelegraph/story/0,,24134638-5001021,00.html) insurance companies have increased the age for higher premiums for young drivers from 25 - 30, ostensibly because of higher risks.At a recent seminar a child psychologist said research suggested adolescence now begins at 9 not the traditional 12/13.So, if this is the case, then the normal adolescence behaviour patterns, wants and mores are with us not 10/12 years but some 21 years.
This fits with the growth of young people staying home until their mid-thirties or longer.
The result? We see the erosion of child hood, the beginning of at risk behaviour and expectations in the early teens not late teens, this at risk behaviour escalates and is maintained longer,and the normal transition to adult responsibilities and expectations such as marriage, children, home ownership and community involvement is delayed.
Implications for us as Dads, parents and role models is that we need to confident in our own values and place in the world, that we need to clearly define our expectations that children and young teens are still that and that there is a transition into adulthood by clearly defined signposts and expectations. We have to act as the adult parent during their teens and as the same adult parents when its time (early 20's at the latest)to move up and become an adult themselves.
What do you think?
This fits with the growth of young people staying home until their mid-thirties or longer.
The result? We see the erosion of child hood, the beginning of at risk behaviour and expectations in the early teens not late teens, this at risk behaviour escalates and is maintained longer,and the normal transition to adult responsibilities and expectations such as marriage, children, home ownership and community involvement is delayed.
Implications for us as Dads, parents and role models is that we need to confident in our own values and place in the world, that we need to clearly define our expectations that children and young teens are still that and that there is a transition into adulthood by clearly defined signposts and expectations. We have to act as the adult parent during their teens and as the same adult parents when its time (early 20's at the latest)to move up and become an adult themselves.
What do you think?
Tuesday, 22 July 2008
Fair Go For Dads' AT Work
Interested to read in today's (22/7) Telegraph www.news.com.au/dailytelegraph/story/0,22049,24055799-5005941,00.html) that the Sex Discrimination Commissioner has stated she is interested in prosecuting companies who discriminate against Dad's who want to be Dad's and spend more time with their children. She is to be applauded but in a work culture dominated by casual workers and self employed contractors it will take additional effort on behalf of all men to change their mindset, to move from being the breadwinner to co-parent and to look at just what else must change (what we buy, what we own, how we pay for things and more) before a real change will be seen.
It is a case of putting first things first (www.stephencovey.com), listening to our children and what they are saying they really need (www.williampollack.com) or just reminding ourselves what it means to be a kid (www.stevebiddulph.com).
What do you think of the idea?
What needs to happen for you to spend the time you would really like to spend with you family?
What do you think the family would think if you were thee more?
It is a case of putting first things first (www.stephencovey.com), listening to our children and what they are saying they really need (www.williampollack.com) or just reminding ourselves what it means to be a kid (www.stevebiddulph.com).
What do you think of the idea?
What needs to happen for you to spend the time you would really like to spend with you family?
What do you think the family would think if you were thee more?
Friday, 18 July 2008
Journey to Manhood
“I just don’t want to become a man, at least not the kind of man I have far too often seen.’
-Gordon, 18 “Real Boys’ Voices, William Pollack, Ph.D
The story of the Prodigal Son (Luke 15:11-32) explores the journey to manhood through the lives of three men at different stages in their journey:
The Youngest Son—the Wildman seeking to push boundaries and find his place in the world.
The Eldest Son— the Responsible man who does all the right things although fearing it may not be enough.
The Father - a man who embarks on the journey with both his very different sons only to discover he is being called to be a Grand Father, expansive, giving and accepting, beyond anything he thought possible.
Time to Think:
What is the challenge for us?
Where are we in our journey?
How do we reflect on our experiences to be able to help our sons, ours and all young men we meet, in such a way we walk them into being the man they desire to be?
Question to a successful man seen in a weekend paper:
What are you most afraid of: “Being found out.”
-Gordon, 18 “Real Boys’ Voices, William Pollack, Ph.D
The story of the Prodigal Son (Luke 15:11-32) explores the journey to manhood through the lives of three men at different stages in their journey:
The Youngest Son—the Wildman seeking to push boundaries and find his place in the world.
The Eldest Son— the Responsible man who does all the right things although fearing it may not be enough.
The Father - a man who embarks on the journey with both his very different sons only to discover he is being called to be a Grand Father, expansive, giving and accepting, beyond anything he thought possible.
Time to Think:
What is the challenge for us?
Where are we in our journey?
How do we reflect on our experiences to be able to help our sons, ours and all young men we meet, in such a way we walk them into being the man they desire to be?
Question to a successful man seen in a weekend paper:
What are you most afraid of: “Being found out.”
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