Went and saw the movie, ‘Men’s Group’ last night. What a great movie! A confronting, hard hitting realistic view of Aussie Blokes dealing with the stuff of life which bends them out of shape.
A confronting movie not for the faint hearted but rewarding and revealing. As you watch it you identify with the characters, recognising them in others and in bits of yourself.
At times harrowing, at times embarrassingly stereotypical and other times close to home it is, in the end, a hopeful movie. Hopeful for the characters in the movie as they discover that as you confront the pain in your life there is a way forward, not matter how difficult and faltering the path may seem.
It is hopeful of blokes in that it shows us how blokes deal with stuff and can support one another meaningfully and deeply without talking about sex and football. It looks at language and how we use it to cover up stuff, how we present our selves to the world, it deals with fathers, touch, image, relationships and shows that stuff like that impacts each of us regardless of age (the age of the actors extends from late 20’s to somewhere in the 70’s).
After the movie I rang home and said I would be a little late as I needed time to process some of the stuff. I stood next to the car at Rozelle and looked up, the moon was hidden by a black cloud and against the night sky only the faint glimmer of light said the moon was there. As the clouds moved the moon glowed larger and came into view, except because of the time in the moon’s cycle, it wasn’t perfectly round. It was bent out of shape, a little off kilter. Yet it shined brightly and lit up the night sky.
That, to me is the message of 'Men’s Group', the movie. No matter how blokes are bent out of shape there is hope that we can come out from the dark cloud of brokenness and shine.
For more click on link
Showing posts with label dads. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dads. Show all posts
Tuesday, 16 December 2008
Thursday, 11 December 2008
Boys Read If Dad Does
A study by Killian Mullan, a research associate at the Social Policy Research Centre at UNSW, shows in two-parent families the boys who read the most have fathers who also like to read a lot. And the girls who read the most have mothers who read. The definition of reading is 50 minutees a day and it must be visible to the children. It doesn't matter if it's the paper or books. Go here for more
http://www.smh.com.au/news/lifeandstyle/parenting/a-chip-off-the-old-book-boys-read-if-dad-does/2008/11/30/1227979844800.html
Children learn by what they see us do.
Here is the great power of example at work. If we want our boys (and children in general) to develop positive life skills then it behoves us to model these consistently and visibly to them.
The anti-drinking tv ad which shows the progress of a a family of male drinkers uses this concept in the negative. The first father is drinking with his mates around the BBQ and asks his son to get him a beer, the next frame is that son grown up doing the same, and it moves through several generations of one family and the behaviour continues.
Children learn by what we model for them.
It's a challeneg for us to stay the distance and help them develop good habits, because bad habits die slowly, if in fact they ever really do.
http://www.smh.com.au/news/lifeandstyle/parenting/a-chip-off-the-old-book-boys-read-if-dad-does/2008/11/30/1227979844800.html
Children learn by what they see us do.
Here is the great power of example at work. If we want our boys (and children in general) to develop positive life skills then it behoves us to model these consistently and visibly to them.
The anti-drinking tv ad which shows the progress of a a family of male drinkers uses this concept in the negative. The first father is drinking with his mates around the BBQ and asks his son to get him a beer, the next frame is that son grown up doing the same, and it moves through several generations of one family and the behaviour continues.
Children learn by what we model for them.
It's a challeneg for us to stay the distance and help them develop good habits, because bad habits die slowly, if in fact they ever really do.
Thursday, 13 November 2008
Sex & Violence - A Staple Diet for Our Kids
I am constantly amazed at the sexual messages contained in ads of all varieties and almost every television show you watch. Maybe I am more shocked because I am not a great tv watcher, but when I do I notice some disturbing trends. Shows like "Two Men & A Boy' (@ 7.30p.m.) is overtly sexual and portrays relationships between the sexes extremelly negatively, and as it has as one of the protagonists a 11 year old
boy projects all the wrong messages. This is to say nothing about the shows directed at girls.
RAND Research in the USA did a study of 718 teenagers 12 to 17 between 2001 and 2004 in relation to sex on tv and 1564 Japanese and Americans between 9 & 18 for the effects of violence, and deduced that 'exposure to some forms of entertainment is a corrupting influence, leading teenagers who watch sexy programs into early pregnancy and children who play violent video games to aadopt aggressive behaviour.' A full report can be found on www.news.com.au/dailytelegraph or at the Rand website http://www.rand.org/pubs/research_briefs/.
The challenge for us is to be discriminatory about what we watch and what we allow our children to watch. Sex and violence on tv and video games rarely identifies the consequences of such in real life. For a chilling reminder of the impact of violence see the story at this link http://www.theage.com.au/national/lifelong-effect-of-a-night-of-random-schoolies-violence-20081112-5o1c.html.
The challenge also asks us to speak realistically about the effects and impacts of such behaviour in such a way as to be real but over the top. If we become too graphic kids just switch off.
We are also challenged to model a life congruent with Biblical values, often a challenge we fail in the smaller things but if we are honest and open with our kids it will provide them with a benchmark for their own behaviour.
boy projects all the wrong messages. This is to say nothing about the shows directed at girls.
RAND Research in the USA did a study of 718 teenagers 12 to 17 between 2001 and 2004 in relation to sex on tv and 1564 Japanese and Americans between 9 & 18 for the effects of violence, and deduced that 'exposure to some forms of entertainment is a corrupting influence, leading teenagers who watch sexy programs into early pregnancy and children who play violent video games to aadopt aggressive behaviour.' A full report can be found on www.news.com.au/dailytelegraph or at the Rand website http://www.rand.org/pubs/research_briefs/.
The challenge for us is to be discriminatory about what we watch and what we allow our children to watch. Sex and violence on tv and video games rarely identifies the consequences of such in real life. For a chilling reminder of the impact of violence see the story at this link http://www.theage.com.au/national/lifelong-effect-of-a-night-of-random-schoolies-violence-20081112-5o1c.html.
The challenge also asks us to speak realistically about the effects and impacts of such behaviour in such a way as to be real but over the top. If we become too graphic kids just switch off.
We are also challenged to model a life congruent with Biblical values, often a challenge we fail in the smaller things but if we are honest and open with our kids it will provide them with a benchmark for their own behaviour.
Monday, 18 August 2008
The Wildman Leaves - Prodigal Son
“Small boys become big men through the influence of big men who care about small boys.”
“Don’t wait to make your son a great man —make him a great boy”
The story of the Prodigal Son (Luke 15:11-32) explores the journey to manhood through the lives of three men at different stages in their journey:
THE YOUNGEST SON—the Wildman seeking to push boundaries and find his place in the world.
Testing Boundaries.
Establishing place in the world.
Conflict with father.
Separating from mother
Black & White world views.
Self focussed.
Wants it All, Now!
IT’S ALL ABOUT STEPPING OUT!!!
WHAT’S THE CHALLENGE FOR US:
In how we respond to our children’s journey.
In reflecting on and be honest about our own journey.
In responding to the high risk behaviour of young men.
“Don’t wait to make your son a great man —make him a great boy”
The story of the Prodigal Son (Luke 15:11-32) explores the journey to manhood through the lives of three men at different stages in their journey:
THE YOUNGEST SON—the Wildman seeking to push boundaries and find his place in the world.
Testing Boundaries.
Establishing place in the world.
Conflict with father.
Separating from mother
Black & White world views.
Self focussed.
Wants it All, Now!
IT’S ALL ABOUT STEPPING OUT!!!
WHAT’S THE CHALLENGE FOR US:
In how we respond to our children’s journey.
In reflecting on and be honest about our own journey.
In responding to the high risk behaviour of young men.
Monday, 11 August 2008
How To Survive Life (and a Plane Crash).
Saturday’s paper (http://www.news.com.au/dailytelegraph/story/0,,23460386-5013414,00.html) had an article which asserted that almost all plane crashes are survivable. And those who survive most plane crashes come from a military or emergency background. How does this happen? The theory as that if you believe you can survive you most likely will.
Those who survive are most likely those:
• who read the emergency card in the seat pocket in front,
• identify the exits,
• work out how to get they,
• know who they are sitting next to and
• have a plan of action in case of an emergency.
They have planned to survive and believe they can.
It is always interesting to me when I take young men on adventure outings such as indoor rock-climbing how quickly after we gear up they look up at the wall and say ‘I can’t. Surprise, surprise; they rarely do.
There are others who you know are scared stiff but don’t voice it and tackle the wall. Mostly they do, usually they make a valiant effort and come back down ready to capitalise on their success.
How do we prepare our children to say I can instead of I can’t? How do we get them to overcome fears and fatalistic thinking and conquer the challenges life throws at them?
Notice the people who survive are not risk-takers? They are people who are risk adverse.
• They plan to survive,
• They scope out the challenges in front of then,
• They identify strategies they can use and
• They believe that if they follow these plans they will come out on top.
• They are resilient and resourceful, confident but not foolhardy and hopeful but not unrealistic.
These are the strategies we need to model and to instil in our kids. If adolescence is a lengthening process (see previous blog) the probability is more and more young people will believe they can’t, and instead of being resilient, they will be foolhardy risk-takers because they haven’t been taught, by word or action, how to survive.
Those who survive are most likely those:
• who read the emergency card in the seat pocket in front,
• identify the exits,
• work out how to get they,
• know who they are sitting next to and
• have a plan of action in case of an emergency.
They have planned to survive and believe they can.
It is always interesting to me when I take young men on adventure outings such as indoor rock-climbing how quickly after we gear up they look up at the wall and say ‘I can’t. Surprise, surprise; they rarely do.
There are others who you know are scared stiff but don’t voice it and tackle the wall. Mostly they do, usually they make a valiant effort and come back down ready to capitalise on their success.
How do we prepare our children to say I can instead of I can’t? How do we get them to overcome fears and fatalistic thinking and conquer the challenges life throws at them?
Notice the people who survive are not risk-takers? They are people who are risk adverse.
• They plan to survive,
• They scope out the challenges in front of then,
• They identify strategies they can use and
• They believe that if they follow these plans they will come out on top.
• They are resilient and resourceful, confident but not foolhardy and hopeful but not unrealistic.
These are the strategies we need to model and to instil in our kids. If adolescence is a lengthening process (see previous blog) the probability is more and more young people will believe they can’t, and instead of being resilient, they will be foolhardy risk-takers because they haven’t been taught, by word or action, how to survive.
Saturday, 9 August 2008
Review "And When Did You Last See Your Father?"
What an interesting movie! First reaction when it finished was to find something lighter to laugh about! This was no light and easy movie but neither was it tragic and overbearing. It explored the relationships within a family from the memory of a son disillusioned and estranged from his father. Jim Broadbent, as the father, gives a compelling portrayal of a man out of his depth in relationships yet so self possessed that he compensates by denying the reality and living in the happines of self-delusion. Colin Firth is Blake,the adult son who has never come to grips with his perception of his father and finds himself repeating the mistakes he so condemns. Matthew Beard, who plays the teenage Blake, is excellent and mixes teenage angst with disappointment superbly as he struggles to deal with his extrovert father.
An excellent movie - not a comfortable one - but one every male should see.
The movie title refers to the need to see your father as he his not as you would like him to be.
An excellent movie - not a comfortable one - but one every male should see.
The movie title refers to the need to see your father as he his not as you would like him to be.
Friday, 8 August 2008
Prolonged Adolescence
Noticed in Tuesdays tele (http://www.news.com.au/dailytelegraph/story/0,,24134638-5001021,00.html) insurance companies have increased the age for higher premiums for young drivers from 25 - 30, ostensibly because of higher risks.At a recent seminar a child psychologist said research suggested adolescence now begins at 9 not the traditional 12/13.So, if this is the case, then the normal adolescence behaviour patterns, wants and mores are with us not 10/12 years but some 21 years.
This fits with the growth of young people staying home until their mid-thirties or longer.
The result? We see the erosion of child hood, the beginning of at risk behaviour and expectations in the early teens not late teens, this at risk behaviour escalates and is maintained longer,and the normal transition to adult responsibilities and expectations such as marriage, children, home ownership and community involvement is delayed.
Implications for us as Dads, parents and role models is that we need to confident in our own values and place in the world, that we need to clearly define our expectations that children and young teens are still that and that there is a transition into adulthood by clearly defined signposts and expectations. We have to act as the adult parent during their teens and as the same adult parents when its time (early 20's at the latest)to move up and become an adult themselves.
What do you think?
This fits with the growth of young people staying home until their mid-thirties or longer.
The result? We see the erosion of child hood, the beginning of at risk behaviour and expectations in the early teens not late teens, this at risk behaviour escalates and is maintained longer,and the normal transition to adult responsibilities and expectations such as marriage, children, home ownership and community involvement is delayed.
Implications for us as Dads, parents and role models is that we need to confident in our own values and place in the world, that we need to clearly define our expectations that children and young teens are still that and that there is a transition into adulthood by clearly defined signposts and expectations. We have to act as the adult parent during their teens and as the same adult parents when its time (early 20's at the latest)to move up and become an adult themselves.
What do you think?
Tuesday, 22 July 2008
Fair Go For Dads' AT Work
Interested to read in today's (22/7) Telegraph www.news.com.au/dailytelegraph/story/0,22049,24055799-5005941,00.html) that the Sex Discrimination Commissioner has stated she is interested in prosecuting companies who discriminate against Dad's who want to be Dad's and spend more time with their children. She is to be applauded but in a work culture dominated by casual workers and self employed contractors it will take additional effort on behalf of all men to change their mindset, to move from being the breadwinner to co-parent and to look at just what else must change (what we buy, what we own, how we pay for things and more) before a real change will be seen.
It is a case of putting first things first (www.stephencovey.com), listening to our children and what they are saying they really need (www.williampollack.com) or just reminding ourselves what it means to be a kid (www.stevebiddulph.com).
What do you think of the idea?
What needs to happen for you to spend the time you would really like to spend with you family?
What do you think the family would think if you were thee more?
It is a case of putting first things first (www.stephencovey.com), listening to our children and what they are saying they really need (www.williampollack.com) or just reminding ourselves what it means to be a kid (www.stevebiddulph.com).
What do you think of the idea?
What needs to happen for you to spend the time you would really like to spend with you family?
What do you think the family would think if you were thee more?
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