The heart of a father is at the heart of the Prodigal Son story. Over the last few days we have watched the heart of a father break on television. Dale Lapthorne, the father of Britt Lapthorne, has touched each of our hearts as we identify with his anguish and loss at losing a cherished daughter.
In watching on, I thought about the concerns and fears I have experienced as a father of an adventurous and lively daughter, who went to a university away from her home town at a young age, who decided to go to Osaka Japan after finishing university to teach English and immersed herself in the social life of the ex-pats in that city, who has back-packed to various parts of the world, only to return home and enjoy a vibrant (my interpretation of adventurous) social life at home.
Many times I wondered whether she was safe, what dangers lurked out there and what I would do if something happened to her. Yet nothing can prepare us for that moment except our own love and trust that gives them permission to travel and be alive and who they are. To live in the moment.
Yet the anguish when something happens maliciously, as it seems to be the case here, is something we can not understand or imagine unless we experience it for ourselves. My heart goes out to Britt's family and hope that in the midst of this they remember her for who she was and the good times they enjoyed together.
The Father in the Prodigal Son story shares this anguish and knows the agony of watching people leave, of finding a strength to cope, all the time wondering if his son was safe.
The bigness of his heart is shown by the welcome home and the the way he took his son back in. There is no sign of repentance or saying sorry by the son exccept that he knew life would be better if he went back. The Father doesn't allow the prepared speech to be uttered. He places his arms around him and takes him home.
And it is here the hard work begins for both of them. Rembrandts painting of the Return of the Prodigal Son shows the clear differentiation of the hands of the Father, one is soft and caring and the other hard and calloused. The inference is that the journey to this point has required, and the way forward will require, a combination of caring and correction, of love and of disciplne, of hope and of trust.
The return home is not the end of the story, but in many ways only the beginning for both of them. The healing, forgiveness, rebuilding of trust and hope and the movement forward into a productive life is only just beginning and will require effort, patience and compassion.
Showing posts with label sons. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sons. Show all posts
Tuesday, 14 October 2008
Monday, 8 September 2008
Sleep Deprivation
Over the laast couple of days the newspapers have been full of stuff relevant to those of us with children (or grandchildren). First in the Saturday papers was an article that announced most children in Australia are sleep deprived and warned of the future problems. It squarely lays the blame on technology and the presence of that technology in childrens bedrooms. Mobile phones, computers, game consoles and more are temptations which prevent young people from doing what they should be doing - sleeping.
A man I knew put a computer screen above the cot in his daughters bedroom - perhaps a little too much! The article went on to say that all this stuff should be in the lounge or games room where everybody can enjoy and monitor it during normal recreational hours. An excellent solution which I would heavily endorse.
The other is ann excellent article on education by Tom Hawkes - well worth reading at the link below.
http://www.smh.com.au/news/national/ten-key-skills-schools-must-start-teaching/2008/09/08/1220725904072.html
A man I knew put a computer screen above the cot in his daughters bedroom - perhaps a little too much! The article went on to say that all this stuff should be in the lounge or games room where everybody can enjoy and monitor it during normal recreational hours. An excellent solution which I would heavily endorse.
The other is ann excellent article on education by Tom Hawkes - well worth reading at the link below.
http://www.smh.com.au/news/national/ten-key-skills-schools-must-start-teaching/2008/09/08/1220725904072.html
Monday, 18 August 2008
The Wildman Leaves - Prodigal Son
“Small boys become big men through the influence of big men who care about small boys.”
“Don’t wait to make your son a great man —make him a great boy”
The story of the Prodigal Son (Luke 15:11-32) explores the journey to manhood through the lives of three men at different stages in their journey:
THE YOUNGEST SON—the Wildman seeking to push boundaries and find his place in the world.
Testing Boundaries.
Establishing place in the world.
Conflict with father.
Separating from mother
Black & White world views.
Self focussed.
Wants it All, Now!
IT’S ALL ABOUT STEPPING OUT!!!
WHAT’S THE CHALLENGE FOR US:
In how we respond to our children’s journey.
In reflecting on and be honest about our own journey.
In responding to the high risk behaviour of young men.
“Don’t wait to make your son a great man —make him a great boy”
The story of the Prodigal Son (Luke 15:11-32) explores the journey to manhood through the lives of three men at different stages in their journey:
THE YOUNGEST SON—the Wildman seeking to push boundaries and find his place in the world.
Testing Boundaries.
Establishing place in the world.
Conflict with father.
Separating from mother
Black & White world views.
Self focussed.
Wants it All, Now!
IT’S ALL ABOUT STEPPING OUT!!!
WHAT’S THE CHALLENGE FOR US:
In how we respond to our children’s journey.
In reflecting on and be honest about our own journey.
In responding to the high risk behaviour of young men.
Monday, 11 August 2008
How To Survive Life (and a Plane Crash).
Saturday’s paper (http://www.news.com.au/dailytelegraph/story/0,,23460386-5013414,00.html) had an article which asserted that almost all plane crashes are survivable. And those who survive most plane crashes come from a military or emergency background. How does this happen? The theory as that if you believe you can survive you most likely will.
Those who survive are most likely those:
• who read the emergency card in the seat pocket in front,
• identify the exits,
• work out how to get they,
• know who they are sitting next to and
• have a plan of action in case of an emergency.
They have planned to survive and believe they can.
It is always interesting to me when I take young men on adventure outings such as indoor rock-climbing how quickly after we gear up they look up at the wall and say ‘I can’t. Surprise, surprise; they rarely do.
There are others who you know are scared stiff but don’t voice it and tackle the wall. Mostly they do, usually they make a valiant effort and come back down ready to capitalise on their success.
How do we prepare our children to say I can instead of I can’t? How do we get them to overcome fears and fatalistic thinking and conquer the challenges life throws at them?
Notice the people who survive are not risk-takers? They are people who are risk adverse.
• They plan to survive,
• They scope out the challenges in front of then,
• They identify strategies they can use and
• They believe that if they follow these plans they will come out on top.
• They are resilient and resourceful, confident but not foolhardy and hopeful but not unrealistic.
These are the strategies we need to model and to instil in our kids. If adolescence is a lengthening process (see previous blog) the probability is more and more young people will believe they can’t, and instead of being resilient, they will be foolhardy risk-takers because they haven’t been taught, by word or action, how to survive.
Those who survive are most likely those:
• who read the emergency card in the seat pocket in front,
• identify the exits,
• work out how to get they,
• know who they are sitting next to and
• have a plan of action in case of an emergency.
They have planned to survive and believe they can.
It is always interesting to me when I take young men on adventure outings such as indoor rock-climbing how quickly after we gear up they look up at the wall and say ‘I can’t. Surprise, surprise; they rarely do.
There are others who you know are scared stiff but don’t voice it and tackle the wall. Mostly they do, usually they make a valiant effort and come back down ready to capitalise on their success.
How do we prepare our children to say I can instead of I can’t? How do we get them to overcome fears and fatalistic thinking and conquer the challenges life throws at them?
Notice the people who survive are not risk-takers? They are people who are risk adverse.
• They plan to survive,
• They scope out the challenges in front of then,
• They identify strategies they can use and
• They believe that if they follow these plans they will come out on top.
• They are resilient and resourceful, confident but not foolhardy and hopeful but not unrealistic.
These are the strategies we need to model and to instil in our kids. If adolescence is a lengthening process (see previous blog) the probability is more and more young people will believe they can’t, and instead of being resilient, they will be foolhardy risk-takers because they haven’t been taught, by word or action, how to survive.
Saturday, 9 August 2008
Review "And When Did You Last See Your Father?"
What an interesting movie! First reaction when it finished was to find something lighter to laugh about! This was no light and easy movie but neither was it tragic and overbearing. It explored the relationships within a family from the memory of a son disillusioned and estranged from his father. Jim Broadbent, as the father, gives a compelling portrayal of a man out of his depth in relationships yet so self possessed that he compensates by denying the reality and living in the happines of self-delusion. Colin Firth is Blake,the adult son who has never come to grips with his perception of his father and finds himself repeating the mistakes he so condemns. Matthew Beard, who plays the teenage Blake, is excellent and mixes teenage angst with disappointment superbly as he struggles to deal with his extrovert father.
An excellent movie - not a comfortable one - but one every male should see.
The movie title refers to the need to see your father as he his not as you would like him to be.
An excellent movie - not a comfortable one - but one every male should see.
The movie title refers to the need to see your father as he his not as you would like him to be.
Friday, 8 August 2008
Prolonged Adolescence
Noticed in Tuesdays tele (http://www.news.com.au/dailytelegraph/story/0,,24134638-5001021,00.html) insurance companies have increased the age for higher premiums for young drivers from 25 - 30, ostensibly because of higher risks.At a recent seminar a child psychologist said research suggested adolescence now begins at 9 not the traditional 12/13.So, if this is the case, then the normal adolescence behaviour patterns, wants and mores are with us not 10/12 years but some 21 years.
This fits with the growth of young people staying home until their mid-thirties or longer.
The result? We see the erosion of child hood, the beginning of at risk behaviour and expectations in the early teens not late teens, this at risk behaviour escalates and is maintained longer,and the normal transition to adult responsibilities and expectations such as marriage, children, home ownership and community involvement is delayed.
Implications for us as Dads, parents and role models is that we need to confident in our own values and place in the world, that we need to clearly define our expectations that children and young teens are still that and that there is a transition into adulthood by clearly defined signposts and expectations. We have to act as the adult parent during their teens and as the same adult parents when its time (early 20's at the latest)to move up and become an adult themselves.
What do you think?
This fits with the growth of young people staying home until their mid-thirties or longer.
The result? We see the erosion of child hood, the beginning of at risk behaviour and expectations in the early teens not late teens, this at risk behaviour escalates and is maintained longer,and the normal transition to adult responsibilities and expectations such as marriage, children, home ownership and community involvement is delayed.
Implications for us as Dads, parents and role models is that we need to confident in our own values and place in the world, that we need to clearly define our expectations that children and young teens are still that and that there is a transition into adulthood by clearly defined signposts and expectations. We have to act as the adult parent during their teens and as the same adult parents when its time (early 20's at the latest)to move up and become an adult themselves.
What do you think?
Monday, 28 July 2008
"When Did You Last See Your Father?"
"When Did You Last See Your Father?" is a movie recommended by David off the Movie Show as essential viewing for men. The relationship with our father is a formative one and often when we have the most difficulty resolving throughout our life's journey. For us to move on with our lives and to become fathers our selves it is important to reflect on our own experiences.
SUGGESTION: That we get together one Friday or Saturday night after it opens (31 July) and go as a group, having something to eat and drink after or before it. What do you think.
If you are interested let me know here or on my email dellmar@optusnet.com.au.
For more information on the movie go to http://www.apple.com/trailers/sony/whendidyoulastseeyourfather/trailer/
SUGGESTION: That we get together one Friday or Saturday night after it opens (31 July) and go as a group, having something to eat and drink after or before it. What do you think.
If you are interested let me know here or on my email dellmar@optusnet.com.au.
For more information on the movie go to http://www.apple.com/trailers/sony/whendidyoulastseeyourfather/trailer/
Saturday, 19 July 2008
Blokes Breakfast at St Judes
Well we had our first Blokes Breakfast at St Judes – well attended and a great breakfast. Some 20 Blokes attended and a great time was had by all. The topic was introduced as per last nights blog and was well accepted.
We are looking at this being a forum for men’s issues, an opportunity for fathers and young men to join and discover new ideas and ways forward and to set up weekends away, seminars and self-help programs for one another.
The next breakfast is Saturday 16th. All welcome
We are looking at this being a forum for men’s issues, an opportunity for fathers and young men to join and discover new ideas and ways forward and to set up weekends away, seminars and self-help programs for one another.
The next breakfast is Saturday 16th. All welcome
Kevin Rudd Does Taize
World Youth day is nearing the end and yesterday we went to St James church for the final Taize service. This was the Adoration of the Cross, the normal Friday night prayer at the Taize community in France.
The surprise? Sitting a few seats in front of us in a crowded church, standing room only, was the Prime Minister Kevin Rudd and his family. They were in many ways anonymous in a great crowd of pilgrims and seemingly as intent on the time together as we all were.
For me it was a moment to remember for a number of reasons:
Despite the cynics who see WYD as a distraction from the bigger issues such as Climate Change it is encouraging to see the leader of our country taking time out with his family to do family things. Anyway, sometimes we need the time out from the big issues in our lives to get the perspective we need to find the appropriate ways to move forward. Simply immersing yourself in the problem at hand narrows the focus and the vision, resulting in rushed and inept responses being made.
On that note, it was great to see him there with, as I undestood it, at least one of his boys helping them to experience a type of spirituality not usually experienced in Australia. If this was the case, in a time when this country has a dearth of effective fathering, especially fathering of sons, any image of our leaders making an effort to be there is a helpful one and needs to be encouraged. I hope it was great for his family as well.
I expect he understood the significance of Taize as the home of the European prayer for peace. It has often by noted that the involvement of young people in the Taize experience has added to the work for peace in Europe especially after WWII. As a leader of our country it is imperative that we have a leader of peace, peaceful solutions to local and global issues, a voice that speaks and prays for peace is a voice we need to hear in these turbulent days.
And by the way, the Taize session was excellent.
The surprise? Sitting a few seats in front of us in a crowded church, standing room only, was the Prime Minister Kevin Rudd and his family. They were in many ways anonymous in a great crowd of pilgrims and seemingly as intent on the time together as we all were.
For me it was a moment to remember for a number of reasons:
Despite the cynics who see WYD as a distraction from the bigger issues such as Climate Change it is encouraging to see the leader of our country taking time out with his family to do family things. Anyway, sometimes we need the time out from the big issues in our lives to get the perspective we need to find the appropriate ways to move forward. Simply immersing yourself in the problem at hand narrows the focus and the vision, resulting in rushed and inept responses being made.
On that note, it was great to see him there with, as I undestood it, at least one of his boys helping them to experience a type of spirituality not usually experienced in Australia. If this was the case, in a time when this country has a dearth of effective fathering, especially fathering of sons, any image of our leaders making an effort to be there is a helpful one and needs to be encouraged. I hope it was great for his family as well.
I expect he understood the significance of Taize as the home of the European prayer for peace. It has often by noted that the involvement of young people in the Taize experience has added to the work for peace in Europe especially after WWII. As a leader of our country it is imperative that we have a leader of peace, peaceful solutions to local and global issues, a voice that speaks and prays for peace is a voice we need to hear in these turbulent days.
And by the way, the Taize session was excellent.
Friday, 18 July 2008
Journey to Manhood
“I just don’t want to become a man, at least not the kind of man I have far too often seen.’
-Gordon, 18 “Real Boys’ Voices, William Pollack, Ph.D
The story of the Prodigal Son (Luke 15:11-32) explores the journey to manhood through the lives of three men at different stages in their journey:
The Youngest Son—the Wildman seeking to push boundaries and find his place in the world.
The Eldest Son— the Responsible man who does all the right things although fearing it may not be enough.
The Father - a man who embarks on the journey with both his very different sons only to discover he is being called to be a Grand Father, expansive, giving and accepting, beyond anything he thought possible.
Time to Think:
What is the challenge for us?
Where are we in our journey?
How do we reflect on our experiences to be able to help our sons, ours and all young men we meet, in such a way we walk them into being the man they desire to be?
Question to a successful man seen in a weekend paper:
What are you most afraid of: “Being found out.”
-Gordon, 18 “Real Boys’ Voices, William Pollack, Ph.D
The story of the Prodigal Son (Luke 15:11-32) explores the journey to manhood through the lives of three men at different stages in their journey:
The Youngest Son—the Wildman seeking to push boundaries and find his place in the world.
The Eldest Son— the Responsible man who does all the right things although fearing it may not be enough.
The Father - a man who embarks on the journey with both his very different sons only to discover he is being called to be a Grand Father, expansive, giving and accepting, beyond anything he thought possible.
Time to Think:
What is the challenge for us?
Where are we in our journey?
How do we reflect on our experiences to be able to help our sons, ours and all young men we meet, in such a way we walk them into being the man they desire to be?
Question to a successful man seen in a weekend paper:
What are you most afraid of: “Being found out.”
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